First I’m going to vent, then I’m going to tell you the good stuff.
I often hate my ex-husband. I think the work and effort it takes to try to parent a child living separately is insanely harder and more trying than just being married to someone and being miserable with them. It’s by no means any easier just because you’re divorced. In fact it’s harder because you’re not putting up with their crap on the daily anymore and so when they try to spoon feed it to you any other time you’re like hell to the NO about it.
Most weekends that I have my son he drops him off (which makes sense to me since he’s the one that has him and his wife will not communicate with me, I am not going there if he is not home. That is just asking for trouble. I might as well put on handcuffs and drive over there in a striped outfit prepared for prison. So, I do not do this to myself. He brings Keith over to my place. Often he tells me he will bring him at a certain time only to not show up for at least a half hour or even hours. He never apologizes and assumes this is just fine. But it never fails that he will be late in arriving. He doesn’t consider me or my new husband in these exchanges. We could have plans, plans that are relying on his timeliness. Or at the very least his ability to drop Keith off within the hour that he himself chooses. I never say a word, I just smile when my son arrives and try my best to let it go if he is late, very late or arriving in the next time zone of that specified hour.
Most Sunday nights my ex arrives between 9:30 and 10 p.m. At least that’s his flippant timeline that he gives me. He usually arrives at the earliest 9:45 and usually not until 10:30 p.m. Again, this is not that big of a deal to me as the longer I have Keith the better. However, it is highly inconsiderate as we might have plans. At the very least sometimes it would be nice to have an hour to get loose ends tied up prior to my going to bed on Sunday nights before a long day at work and in school. Again, we don’t speak about our lives to each other and he has long had an inability to think of anyone but himself.
Tonight he tried to call both Keith and I and we had gone out for ice cream and stopped at the bookstore to kill some time and get out for awhile on a Sunday evening. We innocently forgot our cellphones. I walked in the door with Keith at 9:20 to then be told by Rick that the ex had been there 25 minutes earlier looking to pick up Keith. Say what? Prior to 9 p.m.? In what lifetime? Yes, I probably should have taken my phone but it was wrong of my ex after not getting ahold of anyone to assume he could just show up and that we would be here. Also, he never discussed his pick up time with me and he waited until 15 minutes prior to when he showed up to try to contact either of us. That was foolish and assumptive on his part.
I called him and told him I was at home and he could come at any time. He then tried to inform me that I would HAVE TO take Keith to his house as I was the one that wasn’t home and he was then halfway across town. (halfway across town?…he doesn’t even live halfway across town….) I got that huge load of resentment dumped on me immediately and simply stated, “No I’m not bringing him home and if you don’t come to get him tonight he will simply stay here, take a day off of school and that’s fine with me.” Thus began my power struggle. I probably would have buckled and took him home if necessary but I hate that he
a. assumes that he can just TELL ME without any discussion how anything is going to be
b. assumes that he can just SHOW UP and I should be waiting for him when he is unpredictable and unreliable
c. never communicates properly to me so that these mishaps do not happen Rick agreed to take Keith home if push came to shove. This would prevent me from being subjected to any ill doings via his whacko wife. She wouldn’t dare start crap with a man. But Rick was watching a football game and said he wouldn’t do it until after the game.
In the interim Keith’s Dad called HIM to tell him he’d be over to pick him up in twenty minutes.
He showed up less than 15 minutes later. Allllll the way from across town????
This is why I thank god that I have minimal contact with him and this is also why I hate him.
OK the good stuff
1. talking like hicks from the sticks everywhere we go
2. people assuming it’s for real
3. my son calling me Momma as if he’s a farm boy
4. deciding to scrapbook together with my son
5. the card he made and gave me for absolutely no reason
For every second I am with my son there will be hours that I am not and hours that I miss him. I’m glad we find ways to make the best of every second the way we do. I love that kid beyond words and though my words here are brief, he is my heart….my kid is the coolest person I know. The absolute coolest. And his hair…..god the hair is nicer than mine!!!
It’s really 10:16 p.m. not 3 a.m…..*sigh* I gotta figure out how to fix the time on here…
