shishnit.org

Last night was a late 2 a.m. night.  I wrote my entry around 12:20 a.m. and then was up another 2 ½ hours or more.  I’m tired and lethargic and have an all company meeting in Tampa this afternoon.  5 o’clock traffic from Tampa to my home…sucks. 

I hate the way I felt last night and then later he and I sat side by side and instead of me freaking out and screaming or yelling….I cracked open my breastbone and let my heart ooze out all over the floor and it was good.  It was soo good….for me to let go and let him in.  Let him see what the real issue for me was and is.  I don’t care if he does what he does or did what he did last night….I only care that he doesn’t block me out.  I swear I have issues bigger than Texas because of all the shit people in my past have done.  I know that only I can empower myself to overcome those things but dang it if it’s not so so hard.

And no….I’m not compensating or making excuses for him.  I’m simply stating that we both have things we need to work out to come together more cohesively.  I have them too.  I’m far from perfect too.  However, I did address things the way I would most want to…even in retrospect.  And for that I am glad.

Oh and no he really did not cheat on me.  And no we’re not in need of counseling and yes we are ok.

p.s. The MRI went ok.  I don’t have test results back, so I don’t know if my uterus is ok or not yet. Time will tell.  Health issues are “hurry up…and a lot of WAIT.”