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March, 2007

  1. better now

    March 31, 2007 by shishnit

    I’ve tried before to explain to people that it’s better now.  That it’s actually better now….even though there’s a lot of even though’s to count. 

     

    Even though he doesn’t live with me
    Even though he’s not down the hall
    Even though I have no idea what his bedroom looks like
    Even though he really doesn’t like his stepmother
    Even though things aren’t perfect
    Even though…
    Even… 

     

    It was my decision that he is where he is because I wanted him to have his Daddy in his life and somehow knew instinctively that he would if this was the choice that I made. 

     

    Even though I’m the one that loses out
    Even though he’s not down the hall from ME
    Even though I can’t decorate his bedroom for him
    Even though I hate his stepmother too
    Even though things aren’t perfect
    Even though…
    Even…. 

     

    When he’s with me….it is perfect.  When we hang out together I am completely aware that I am his mother.  The pride beats through my veins like the roar of a lion in the jungle.  I am his mother….and he is truly something to behold.  Sometimes I watch him and I am overcome with love…when he picks up the trash at the restaurant and carries it without being asked to the trash bin…..when he drinks coffee with me….when he and I sit laughing at a scary movie (The Hills have Eyes 2 actually has funny parts..imagine that).  Those moments are priceless to me.  

     

    I can honestly tell anyone that my son and I have a bond and that I believe that I’ll be able to guilt him into going out to dinner with me even when he’s 30.  Yes..I have faith in it.  Why?  Because I can talk to him like I could talk to anyone.  I can tell him how I felt, feel, anticipate feeling..etc.  I can be myself around my son and that’s priceless.  I wonder how many parents feel that way?  

     

    Trust me it’s not perfect and I get that banging pang in my chest every time I have to say goodbye and every time I can’t walk down the hall and watch him sleep.  I get it and it hurts me but the bigger banging is that of a heartbeat…steady and strong and ever present.  I am his mother and it is a gift…..I am a happy person who can be a better parent now.  I know that I was always a good mom, now I am better.   He’s growing up and he’s always been someone that inspires me to be a better me, but more so now as I watch him becoming someone I respect.  

     

    Yes….it’s “better now.”
     

    Category keith | Tags: | 1 Comment

  2. I’m cheesy for Mac…

    March 29, 2007 by shishnit

    TonyMac

     

    I miss him…..nearly all the time while I’m at work. Because he made me laugh and laughter is the best way to get through the workday regardless of where you work. I cried when he left and I rejoice anytime I get to speak to him. Yes I’m crazy for the Mr. TMac. I’d still have his back in any ninja fight…because I love friends who let me exploit (or is it…graciously share them) with the Internets… 

    Kristy [5:43 PM]:

    like the haircut

    Kristy [5:43 PM]:

    i miss you

    Kristy [5:43 PM]:

    i told the girl beside me the pic was gonna be of your big face in the cam

    Kristy [5:43 PM]:

    i was right

    Tony Mac [5:44 PM]:

    yep

    Tony Mac [5:44 PM]

    : always!

    Tony Mac [5:44 PM]:

    i will send more

    Tony Mac [5:44 PM]:

    who are you showing me to?

    Kristy [5:44 PM]:

    the receptionist/temp beside me

    Tony Mac [5:45 PM]:

    beside you?

    Kristy [5:45 PM]:

    that’s the face of many deaths hahahaha

    Tony Mac [5:46 PM]:

    word! Kristy [5:46 PM]:

    is that a dart gun?

    Tony Mac [5:46 PM]:

    no

    Tony Mac [5:46 PM]:

    it’s something I just found here in the office

    Tony Mac [5:46 PM]:

    and claimed as my own

    Kristy [5:46 PM]:

    suction cup of doom

    Tony Mac [5:46 PM]:

    it’s like a plastic broom handle with a suction cup on the end

    Tony Mac [5:46 PM]:

    it rules!

    Tony Mac [5:46 PM]:

    I rule with it

    Kristy [5:46 PM]:

    i see

    Tony Mac [5:46 PM]: for I am Mac AxiaMentor

    Kristy [5:46 PM]: i see that you haven’t broken your blinds

    Tony Mac [5:46 PM]:

    haha

    Tony Mac [5:46 PM]:

    LOL

    Tony Mac [5:47 PM]:

    they’re not vertical blinds

    Kristy [5:47 PM]:

    its a nice view behind your head

    Tony Mac [5:47 PM]:

    yes

    Tony Mac [5:47 PM]:

    the window seats are a hot commodity here

    Tony Mac [5:47 PM]:

    but since I am the sh*t

    Tony Mac [5:47 PM]:

    I got one

    Kristy [5:49 PM]:

    you know I’m totally going to put you on my website

    Tony Mac [5:49 PM]:

    that’s fine

    Kristy [5:49 PM]:

    do you know that people email me and ask me about you

    Kristy [5:49 PM]:

    I find that to be funny

    Tony Mac [5:49 PM]:

    I’ll get you more pictures then

    Kristy [5:49 PM]:

    they want to know how TonyMac is

    Tony Mac [5:49 PM]:

    what?

    Tony Mac [5:49 PM]:

    please direct them to my myspace page

    Kristy [5:49 PM]:

    I called you TonyMac as in TonyMacaroni for the longest time and people ask me
    how you are doing now

    Tony Mac [5:49 PM]:

    myspace.com/tblanton

    Kristy [5:49 PM]:

    I will

    Category career, friends | Tags: | No Comments

  3. Thursday Thirteen

    March 29, 2007 by shishnit

    per smoochdog

    1. I am feeling much better after having a massive headache that took me out for 24 hours.

    2. I’m happy about a new vitamin recommended by “him” that has alleviated my sugar-related headaches, Vanadium with Chromium.

    3. A new co-worker I just got.  She’s great.

    4. My bookclub has agreed to meet on Saturdays so that I can continue to participate. Yah!

    5. The weather has imrpoved and it’s sunny every day.

    6. My morning ritual of coffee, blog reading and sometimes even a long bath before I head out to work.

    7. Rick called me last night and even sent me back a text msg yesterday.

    8. A new favorite song, “It’s not over – Secondhand Serenade”.

    9. The milk that Rick bought last night made me very happy this morning as I ate some breakfast. Thanks honey!

    10. I have a great kid and that makes me happy every single week!

    11. Chloe….priceless.  I love that dog with a fierceness that overtakes me sometimes.

    12. Being ahead of the game in my current course, that’s cause for pure happiness and zenlike peace.

    13. Chocolate with a handful of almonds…the only “junkfood” I ever eat anymore. :-)

     

     

     

     

        

     

     

     

    Category chloe, college, family, health | Tags: | 2 Comments

  4. go figure…

    March 27, 2007 by shishnit

    I called Tom today to thank him and his wife for dinner.  He seemed surprised.  I told him I was sorry for delaying our getting together for reasons I won’t blog about….(heaven forbid I blog about real life).  Anyway, he seemed surprised and we had a funny conversation because I didn’t realize I was on speaker phone and it went down like this.

    Me: Is Rick working out there with you today?

    Him: No he’s on another job.

    Me: Yah I figured…if they put you two together then all the other jobs wouldn’t get done because those crews would suck!

    Yah…on speaker phone so his entire crew could hear me.  Oops…but true and damned funny.
    He passed my number onto his wife, Jayna and she called.  I’ll call her tomorrow when I’m not at work. 
    Watch us be fast friends…even though we’re complete opposites.  Life is good.

    I also just spoke to my better half…and he’s going to wait up for me and I promised him a massage with the oil and everything!  I hope he stays up so I can be a woman of my word.  I love him….

    My bookclub members have decided to switch from Tuesday nights to Sat afternoon’s at 1:30 so I can meet them right after work.  Gotta love that!!

    Category friends | Tags: | 1 Comment

  5. i can afford celery…life is good

    March 26, 2007 by shishnit

    It sucks when you speak about something honestly and yet people misinterpret what you are saying.  Tom’s wife does not have a life that I want.  I believe she has the life that she chooses to have, just as each of us chooses our lives.
    I want to be doing exactly what I am doing.  In fact I am finally doing what I’ve always wanted to be doing.  I’m in college.  I’m working for a company I respect and I enjoy my job.  I choose daily to do exactly what I am doing.
    I do not want to be a housewife.  There’s nothing wrong with that choice…it’s just not for me.  It never was.  Oddly enough my own sister told my first husband prior to us getting married that if that’s the kind of wife he wanted he needed to keep looking.  He didn’t listen.  Not my fault.  He has that wife now who surely cuts up his steak in front of him.  Fuck that…not me.  My husband is my equal not another one of my children.
     
    I am not happy being a housewife.  Been there done that….hated everything about that lifestyle except for my son.  But I’m still a mommy….I don’t have to be a housewife to be a Mom.  And my kid thinks I’m a great one and his opinion of the matter is the only opinion that garners my attention.
     
    My opinions do not equal my being jealous of someone who is a housewife.  Why would I be jealous?  I don’t want that life. I don’t fully understand women that do.  I admit that’s not a popular statement amongst SAHM’s and housewives.  That’s ok.  I’m sure they’re not jealous of my long day’s at work and even longer day’s of studying.  And that’s fine too.  I love what I am currently doing.  And it’s my life to do what I want. 
     
    Damn its my blog and I can talk about what I want.  This does not make me jealous or passive aggressive and I would hope if I ever befriended someone they’d have the guts to say who they are so that we can discuss things openly.  Until then your comments will always be deleted.  Sure someone else may think I’m wrong for how I feel but this is my blog and I feel that I will never ever be happy being a housewife.  Period.  I didn’t like it the first time.  I don’t plan on going there ever again.
     
    If you’re a SAHM and a housewife would you like it if someone came along and told you that you were just jealous because you didn’t want to work full time and go to college full time.  I think not.
    And to end this….Tom’s wife is a very nice person….doing what she chooses and there’s nothing wrong with that.  Not for her.  For me I’d be in hell.  Period.  If my saying that is somehow bad….fuck it.  I don’t care.  I don’t want that kind of life.  Ever.  And oddly enough she made it pretty clear that she thinks my choices are insane and that’s ok because they are insane to her….not for me.
     
    Why does an opposing opinion make someone immediately think something bad?  She’s not bad…I’m not bad.  We’re just different and my speaking to her made me realize fully that I’ll never be happy doing what she does.  I bet she’d be miserable if I told her to go to work 10 hours and spent another 3 writing a paper and then do all your chores in the matter of one day because you have to go back and do it all again for another week.  Thankfully she doesn’t have to….and I don’t have to do what she does.  Life is good….full of choices.  I wouldn’t put myself in her shoes for a million dollars.  Ever.  I already know I’d be flat miserable.  Sitting at home all day with no car….3 kids away at school…and nothing to do but scrub some tile floors.  Fuck that….not for me.  And she never once said, ‘I’m doing this because I love it!!”  She did say
     
    1. we can’t afford summer care for 3 kids
    2. we can’t afford to both have a car right now
    3. celery costs $2.69 and so I didn’t make a salad tonight because I can’t afford celery
     
    I wanted to rush to the store and buy her some celery.  And it was precisely then that I realized I never have to think about how bills are getting paid.  I spend too much money on frivolous things….but I do that because I can.  I can because I’ve made choices so that I can.  And besides…if I sat around at home while my son was in school all day that wouldn’t benefit him at all.  And if my son wants celery I’ll buy him ten stalks…..
     Some people perhaps need to befriend other people they can be honest with….open with…..and different from…and still be able to be friends.  Wouldn’t that be cool?
    I think it’s equally informative to know that I got a job when my son was about 3 1/2 and it was an opposite shift from his father so that he did not have to go to daycare at all.  If you want to work, contribute cash to the household…there are ways.  Was my way for everyone?  Nope.  It’s just great that there are choices… 

    Category Rick, career, college, family, keith | Tags: | 1 Comment

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