This morning Rick’s truck wouldn’t start. For reasons I haven’t published here as of yet….the timing on this event sucks hyena ass. However, I crawled out of bed, shoved my mop of hair under a ballcap and took my husband to work. Technically he took us as he drove. However….it was early….it was not good news….and yet I smiled and had a nice few moments with the husband. I consider this a personal accomplishment. I never fair well in the light of problems or issues that life throws at you. I always stress out and turn into a raving lunatic. But this morning I kept thinking, ‘Oh well…the truck has a lot of miles on it….these things happen…..this too shall pass.â€Â
This might seem a small thing to many however for me….it’s big. Huge even. I simply shirked off the bad scary feelings and crawled of bed, threw on some clothes, shoved a Happy Bunny ballcap over my bedhead and plastered a real genuine smile on my face. It probably helped that husband grabbed me and hugged me in the hallway so tight I felt my spine nearly crack. I love those big full type of hugs. And that was ‘before’ the truck wouldn’t start. So I was feeling mushy and loved prior to our tiny vehicle disaster.
After my last grade was posted I got an email from the teacher that basically stated, ‘You should step up to the plate and lead like the leader I know you have in hiding!†She stated this in regards to the Universities learning style that utilizes Learning Teams. You do a percentage of your work with 3 to 4 other students. There’s always a scuffle to see who’s going to bark out orders and who’s going to sit around appeasing the bossy one. Sometimes I am the leader and bark out orders via typeface that is….and other times I just plain feel beat down and over it. It’s a constant emotional toll if you let it. However, she’s the first person to tell me not to sit back and let things go astray. Oddly about every other course I step up and then sit back and watch the mayhem.  It just depends on where I am on the rollercoaster of feeling seriously tasked by school.  However, her words went far with me because she gave me an A and I deserved it…but she threw out some constructive feedback and that’s what one learns from. However, leading is some tough stuff, especially in a group forum. But I’m in a new course and I came running out of the gate like a horse about to take over the race…..and the other ponies are wondering what the fuck just happened. And I’m running….giggling…..because I’m on the upstream of this leadership crap. In my major there’s a major discussion about whether leaders are born or learned. I think I’m a little of both because I’ve always been bossy but I’m just now learning how to get people to shut up and listen to me because I throw out things like “You disagree…that’s ok…what would you suggest we do to tackle this?â€Â It’s amazing how people like to disagree but they don’t want to really put in the full effort to verbalize why and most times they haven’t got a better idea.
Yesterday I called Jayna (the SAHM without a job) and she advised me that she contacted the University I attend/work for and she’s enrolling online. Half of me is thinking “thank the lord you gave up your excuses about why you couldn’t do anything with yourself†and the other half is thinking what I always think when someone tells me they have or are enrolling in the same University I attend/work for. “Good luck….68% drop out rate at our U.â€Â Yah I’m sure pessimistic. Seriously I am. This is due to how many excuses I listen to on a daily basis about how it’s easier to drop out than to keep on keeping on. I knew that Jayna was giving me a long list of excuses as to why she couldn’t work etc…. I doubt she realizes that our University is twice as expensive as most in the area.  I also doubt she’s ready to pay $1400+ for every five weeks course plus a $80 Resource fee. But then again FA pays for it and most people obviously don’t realize they could get the same education elsewhere for far less. However, she made it clear that she thinks she can get her degree by working for 2 hours in the morning. I say wait until she’s in a learning team that has no leaders and no one telling her what to do. Â
I’ve been down this road of watching people I know enroll where I attend. I’ve watched every single one of them drop out. First it was my friends ex-wife. She lasted one class and said, ‘Fuck this is a lot of work!â€Â hahaha…..uh yah….college is like that. The last one was one of my co-wokers who lasted 3 courses (and she was even getting her tuition free) and she dropped out and now owes the U. $750 because that pell grant is not free if you don’t complete the required credits. People are generally stupid about their decision making processes when it comes to college. They all think they can a. do it….b. handle the extra workload…c. afford it…. And I say all of this after nearly 3 years of working and being in college there.  I have a task currently to call 200 students to inquire of them as to whether they plan to attend their next regularly scheduled course.  My bet is that over 50% of them will have a sob story about why they can’t continue. And you’d think they’d find ways to blame us. They don’t. It’s always someone else’s fault as to why they can’t continue on. Going to the University I work at/attend is expensive. All colleges are but we’re about $494 per credit. That’s about $1500 every five weeks. State schools are far less. Private for profit is not cheap and no matter what anyone says….it’s not easy. There’s a lot of work every week to complete to remain enrolled….and even more so if you want to get good grades.
I hope Jayna is different…for Jayna’s sake. And I will support her, help her get her shiz together…teach her the software etc. I do it every time. And then the person does an about face and drops out with excuses. I suppose I tend to assume these things because Jayna had a g’zillion excuses for why she can’t work. I did tell her she should enroll when her kids go back to school in the fall because she’s going to have to write a paper every week while her kids want to go to the beach all summer. But….no one ever listens to me. Saddest part…she attended college before and dropped out in the past and I think all of those credits are too old to transfer in now. Bummer. However, like most people who come to me with the bright idea that they can also do what I am doing (and they can if they really want to…problem is most people don’t really want the way I want…) they investigate and may even enroll….and then they get themselves in class and think “woah I can’t hang with this.â€Â My co-worker told me, “oh c’mon how hard can it be, if you can do it I can!â€Â And then a few months later she was more into watching Dancing with the Stars than going to class.
And you think I’m kidding….I know you do….it still remains to be seen if she’ll actually enroll. It also remains to be seen if she’ll want to go $40+K in the hole to do it. While having this conversation with her it occurred to me that I have changed so so much since enrolling in Jan of ’05. I can barely remember what I was thinking back then. I know I was excited and felt blessed to be getting a free education. And yes it’s free for me. And it was something I wanted for almost 20 years before I got a real chance to do it. This is why I agree to work a wonky schedule….etc. This is something that I just might chop my left arm off to gain. Not too many people I run across are that committed or dedicated. Sure sure…a lot of people have college degrees. I realize this. However, the prospect of taking all of your courses in an online modality….trust me…it takes personal gumption. No one knocks on my door daily and reminds me to do my work. I have to be self motivated in a big way.
I’m done rambling…I’m sure I’ve pissed off someone. Oh and if you tell me I’m not supportive I’ll tell ya to kiss my ass because I bought my co-worker her required manuals….and if Jayna opts to actually enroll I’ll do the same thing for her. I’m all about someone getting their education. And for the record….the only person that ever bought me a book or encouraged me….Rick. Trust me I’m the Peter Pan of support.Â
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