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Home Style Potato Soup

1 can (14 oz) Chicken broth

1 pound potatoes (peeled and cut into fourths (about 3 medium)

1 ½ cups of milk

¼ tsp salt

1/8 tsp pepper

1/8 tsp dried thyme leaves

2 medium green onions (1/4 cup)

Heat broth and potatoes to boiling in 3 quart saucepan; reduce heat to low.  Cover and simmer about 15 minutes or until potatoes are tender.  Do not drain.  Break potatoes into small pieces with potato masher or large fork.  (Mixture should be lumpy.)Stir milk, salt, pepper, thyme and onions into saucepan.  Heat over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until hot.  Do not let soup boil. Variation: Potato Cheese Soup  Make above as directed and stir in 1 ½ cups shredded cheddar cheese until it is melted.The only thing I added was 1 Tablespoon of butter.  Butter makes everything better.

I started blogging in August of 2001 elsewhere.  I was lost in my personal life, my  marriage was a mess, I didn’t feel that I had a good enough relationship with anyone in my life including my son.  I had a so so job that I wasn’t too thrilled about and I didn’t have a lot of connections to the people around me.  I was lost in my own depressive world and had nowhere and no one to turn to.  It’s often been that way in my past because I don’t have strong or reliable connections to my immediate family. 

I remember the day I started to blog.  I was sitting at a previous job bored out of my skull because I was the credit analyst and they had no current business that needed analyzed.  I was full of angst and pretty depressed, it was the kind of depression that makes you antsy and nervous all the time.  I could never relax back then.

I was brutally honest and probably to a fault in some cases, because I had nothing at all to lose.  I also am not close to my family so I never had a fear of pissing any of them off.  I just didn’t care enough to worry about that.  I wasn’t and still am not close to them. 

Over the last 6 years of my blogging history I have had to remind myself several times that I write because I want to express myself, I want to dissect myself and I want to record my thoughts and memories.  I don’t really care if I piss anyone off.  Sure I don’t set out to do that, but sometimes it happens.  You piss off a total stranger or you gain followers who only follow your thoughts/written words in hopes of being able to poke you in your weak spots.  And that’s ok.  I’ve grown a thick skin and have learned to separate people that matter and people that just don’t. 

Recently I’ve been agitated by someone from a certain PCOS related site who keeps coming here to try to sell her wares via my readership. (yup those 3 people that read..)  That ticks me off because I don’t feel that you’re going to buy a pill online that’s going to fix your PCOS.

I also pissed my husband off when I posted Jayna’s mugshot.  He felt it was poor taste.  Perhaps it was.  But a few years from now it will remind me to follow my gut feelings about people instead of questioning myself so much.  I considered removing it because of his feelings about it, however I began blogging to be truthful and honest to myself.  Not to please anyone else.  Had Jayna been a member of his immediate family I would have never posted it, because I don’t expose his family for blogging material.  I debated about it for a few days and then moved on with my original decision.  I have no love for criminal behavior.  I also have no respect for it.  I also can’t be friends with someone I can’t trust, therefore Jayna is not my friend.  I was right about my first impression’s of her.  She has a million excuses for not working, but stealing is ok?

Someone recently told me they like my blog because they like real and honest blogs that speak to real life or some such nice commentary.  (thanks!)  I have always been open about things that other people might not be open about on their blogs.  I have always chosen to do this because I don’t have an audience that is a part of my real life.  Save for my husband and my son.  I don’t expose my son either, but I do speak about him because he is a huge part of my life.  The older he gets, the less I speak about him because he’s at a sensitive age where his privacy is something I think about.  Anything I’ve said here I would say to his face and I am aware of that.

Mostly I am real and honest to a fault about my personal thoughts, my endeavors to gain my degree, my divorce and life after a divorce (dealing with stepmother’s that suck, and ex-husbands that you can never quite agree with no matter how hard you try), my current husband, my dog, my job (which I love…truly I do..if I didn’t I’d leave it out entirely), and my 2^nd and very happy marriage.  Yes I’m very happily married.  We struggle because second marriages are gifted with things from the first whether you want to admit it or not.  They just are.

Lately I’ve made a conscious choice to speak about my PCOS and medical procedures etc openly and as honestly as I’ve always written about other topics in my life because I always think that perhaps someone is google searching and hoping that someone out there is honest about what it’s like to have PCOS.  I have been planning a detailed blog post just about PCOS and the discrimination I endure because of this illness.  I’m sure that post will garner negative feedback and that’s ok because I could be wrong and I could help someone I never meet to understand what they just got diagnosed with.

I have thought about quitting more times than I can imagine documenting.  I think bloggers think about quitting when something outside of themselves interferes with their ability to be self expressive.  I know that’s been the constant issue for me.  I’ve learned that my ability or desire to express myself and understand myself is the most important thing for me regarding blogging.  Sure I could write on paper but when you type over 100 words a minute it seems crazy to spend needless time jotting down your thoughts when I can do the same thing in less than ten minutes a blog entry.

I have found that when I am true and honest with me that is when blogging is the most self rewarding. And sure total strangers that read my thoughts always misinterpret what I am saying or who I am..and that’s the unfortunate side affect to sharing your thoughts with the www.   I personally don’t think bloggers should strive to make money off of sharing their lives.  I don’t agree with advertisement, etc.  I also cringe when I think that people are earning their money by “selling” photo’s of their underage children etc.  These are my opinions but I also don’t concern myself with what other bloggers do or don’t do.  I’m also open minded enough to realize to each their own.  I blog because of my own personal needs, opinions etc and other’s do what they do for those same reasons I am sure.

I write because I have to in order to be right with myself.  It helps me gain new perspective on my current thoughts versus my former thoughts and ideas etc.  For the longest time I was on a bad ride, life is better.  But I can admit (like I did yesterday) that some days in the life are just trying and aggravating even if you are currently happy and at peace with your life overall.
 

My frustration level is immensely high right now. I need to vent.  Tuesday’s procedure went off without a hitch. I woke up from anesthesia as if I took a nice little nap.  I was fine.  I was fine throughout the day.  I slept for a few hours but I had no pain, no discomfort.  Nothing.  So I didn’t take my prescription to the pharmacy for the percocet’s.  I skipped it.  I was fine.

 Yesterday I came to work. I had tons of issues getting access and some of the access to systems that I need, I STILL DO NOT HAVE.  Despite numerous phone calls and ticket submissions etc.  A long boring foray into the IT world..and still no resolution.  This type of thing always stresses me out and aggravates me.  I’m just that way.

By 3 p.m. yesterday I had the world’s biggest migraine.  It was horrible.  I don’t get migraines so I was concerned.  It finally dawned on me, this was probably an after affect of the anesthesia since the day before I had no issues whatsoever.  No matter what it was, I was in so much pain I was literally wiping those tiny tears from my eyes.  The kind that squeeze out due to pain overload.  My head hurt so bad I hunted down some Ibuprophen and it did NOTHING.  Zip…zilch.  Nothing at all to relieve anything.  About an hour later I was ok enough to drive myself home.  I stayed my entire shift though.  I drove straight to Walgreens to get my prescription filled.  Sure it was probably for uterine pain relief but still I was barely able to function.  I sat in the drive-thru at Walgreens and listened to the pharmacist tell me that he was unable to read the doctor’s name and or ID number and since this was a barbiturate he could not fill it and since the outpatient portion of the hospital was now closed he could not contact them.

 This morning on principal I called my doctor’s office, the outpatient clinic, etc.  I was and am still pissed.  Why bother giving a patient a prescription that can’t be legibly read?  My oncologists nurse took care of it.  She was able to decipher who the normal doctor’s that shadow my oncologist are and determine what the codes were.  She rocks.  I advised her however that I will never have another procedure with Dr. Oncologist unless he provides the prescription prior to the procedure so that this never happens to me again.  She said, “I can understand your request.”

Trust me this is the shortened version of this long boring “piss me off” story.  I’m leaving out the on call doctor’s pissy attitude and her telling me “you don’t need percocet, you neeed double the dosage of motrin, you can buy that yourself.  I advised her “why should I buy something when my insurance covers prescriptions just because some doctor cant write his name legible?”  She also advised me that I shouldn’t be in pain and that I needed something to reduce swelling as my pain was a direct result of swelling of the uterus.  I then asked her if she has ever had a D&C done to herself personally?”  She said no.  To which I said, “I hope you have to have 4 of them done in the matter of 18 months and then when you talk to patients you will have empathy because you will know what they feel.”  She was silent.  Thank god she’s not my doctor.

Did I want the percocet?  No, I didn’t ask anyone to give me a prescription.  However, I wanted something for the pain that I felt was a direct result of my outpatient surgery.  My head was throbbing, tears rolling down my face and some doctor that’s never met me is telling me how I should be feeling.  Fuck her.  Seriously…fuck her.

Today I am at work, still no access to certain systems.  I still don’t fully know what I am even doing.  My head still hurts but it’s a low throb instead of a make me cry like a baby shooting pain.  I’m tired.  I’m sick.  I’m at work.  I’m clueless as to how to make things work properly.  But I know I’ll be ok.

Last night Rick was great.  He massaged my neck and my shoulders.  He was sympathetic.  He was there for me.  Thank goodness!!  I should have known on Tuesday that I got off easy. 

I have a follow up appointment with my oncologist on June 13^th in the afternoon.  That means I’ll come to work in Tampa, drive back across the bridge and have to go downtown to his office.  That’ll be another loverly day. 
Last night when I was in pain all I wanted to do was soak in the Jacuzzi bath.  Guess what?  No baths for 3 weeks after a D&C.  And no sex….  No relief!! 

Blah…..I need a plate of cheese to go with my whine.

In the middle of everything that is going on.  New job, health procedures, new house, etc.  I am STILL maintaining a perfect score in my current course that I am over halfway through.  It started on 5-15-07.  I’m proud of myself, as always. 
I believe if you don’t celebrate your own successes, who will?
 

This morning’s procedures went fairly well.  I did not get sick from the anesthesia.  That is an amazingly good thing.  I was rather tired when I got home but I think that’s from lack of sleep due to getting up so early and perhaps the hang effects of the anesthesia.

Rick went with me.  I don’t think I’ve ever said this, at least not on my blog.  However, when someone asks me about my husband I always respond in a positive way.  Always quick to say something kind about him.  I do this without forethought.  But recently it has dawned on me just how amazingly special that is to be able to truly and fully love your husband.  That is a gift.

Matthew came to visit.  He’s so sweet…he makes my ovary throb.  And this picture…good golly the sweetness.