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November, 2007

  1. boy oh boy george (or funny co-worker conversations)

    November 13, 2007 by shishnit

    Jose  [11:07 AM]:
    aww man boy george arrested again
    Kristy  [11:07 AM]:
    phooey
    Kristy  [11:07 AM]:
    drugs?
    Kristy  [11:07 AM]:
    or prostitution?
    Kristy  [11:07 AM]:
    lol
    Jose  [11:07 AM]:
    no false imprisonment
    Jose  [11:07 AM]:
    he had a man chained to the wall in his house
    Kristy  [11:07 AM]:
    do you really want to hurt me……do you really want to make me cry…do you really want to tie me up and not let me go????
    Jose  [11:07 AM]:
    lol

    Category career | Tags: | No Comments

  2. Busted door

    November 9, 2007 by shishnit

    I’m sitting in the library.

    I haven’t said more than five words to Rick all day.

    I’m angry with him.

    I hope it’s bothering him too.

    My feet are cold because it’s cold in Florida lately.

    I should go take a hot bath and read…or enjoy myself.

    We have a new BIG boss at work.  We all meet him tomorrow.

    We also have a potluck, I’m supposed to take buns.  I hate potlucks.

    I should go to sleep early, get up early, pick up buns in the morning.

    I probably won’t do any of the above 3.

    I bought a “chick lit” book tonight.  I am out of sorts.

    We’re not having a baby.  “We” decided to stop trying before we started the third round.

    That’s not why I’m mad at him.

    I owe someone an email, it’s half written.

    I hate my current religion course but love the teacher…say what?  Yah I’m confused too.

    I need something hot to drink.

    I keep saying “who’s house…?  Run’s house!” in my head.

    Time to go.

    Category infertility, life, love and marriage | Tags: | 3 Comments

  3. a few things

    November 7, 2007 by shishnit

    I got an A- in my Psychology of Personality class that just ended.  I’m ok with that since the course was pretty intense.

    I have a presentation tonight in my Religion class on the Salem Witch Trials.  (The Puritans…foolish people.)

    I got into an argument this morning with the husband and I doubt I will ever forget his commentary.  Yah..I’m still steamed about it.

    Thank god I love my job today.

    Category Rick, career, college, grades, love and marriage | Tags: | 1 Comment

  4. Interstate 19 (poem)

    November 7, 2007 by shishnit

    Coffee and cigarettes
    And you said the word love
    Mashed potato’s and
    No regrets
    Thank god
    We’re enough

    Car rides
    And breakfast smiles
    My hand traces your thigh
    No sides and besides
    Every mile I’m kissed
    By your high

    Chain smoke
    Half the hours away
    Collect calls
    Yes yes
    And then your
    Walking away

    Watching you
    Moving you in my mind
    To the forefront
    You’re the storefront
    Window to every
    Candy sweet
    Nicotine line

    “I love you”
    “look at me, I mean it”
    and I drove away
    “I love you right back”
    .. I didn’t say it
    Cause I told you all about it

    Yesterday 

    Category poetical | Tags: | No Comments

  5. censored?

    November 6, 2007 by shishnit

    Someone at work asked me if our school system was out on break today.  To which I responded.  “I don’t know!” She then asked, “Don’t you have a son attending a Pinellas County school?  I said, “Yes, yes I do…but when it comes to my son I am on the Board of Directors but I am not involved in the day to day operations.”

    This reminds me of an entry I’ve been meaning to write for a very long long time.  I have refrained from speaking about the following

    1. my son
    2. my arrangements with his father

    I think, however, that it is time.  I recently spoke to another co-worker who told me that at the time of her marital split she too decided that her two children were better off living with their father.  And yes, it was I who stood up and said, “No, you’re taking him!” in regards to my son.  Why?  A few reasons.

    1. his father made far more money than I (notice I said “made”)
    2. he left me homeless so I felt that I was set up for failure if I took him at that time
    3. my son was at an age that I felt he needed his father’s influence

    My son is not too happy with his father recently and I won’t delve into how he feels or what he’s said to me because those are private conversations.  My ex-husband has fashioned his life just as I called it several years ago.  I said that he’d do ok for awhile..and he did.  I watched as he took cruises and spent ridiculas amounts of money on new cars, a new house, etc. etc. etc.  And I told myself it didn’t matter to me anymore and it was good for my son.  But somehow in the back of my head there’s always been this creeping feeling that I would one day be placed in a position to take on my son, and that was a strong reason why I enrolled in college.  I wanted to be able to take it on, if it were ever placed on me solely and entirely.  I had visions of what if’s that never ended.  What if he goes to jail for something?  What if he loses his job and can’t find another?  What if his wife leaves him and he starts to not pay his bills and goes into foreclosure? What if he’s still truly the same loser in disguise and it all falls apart for him again?

    I then spent several years being berated for my choices.  And then I spoke to this co-worker that made the same exact choice as I and we “got” each other.  It made me start to re-think and think and evaluate my previous choice.  And I stand by it.  I chose the best thing at that moment.  I’ve tackled college in efforts to take on something I could not way back when.  My son speaks often to me about wanting to be with me over his father.  I refuse to be his constant “fixer” because life isn’t that way.  Life doesn’t fix every conflict you have.  You have to own it and fix it yourself.  I try not to let my son play me against his father and/or vice versa.  Being that communication only happens when I prompt it with my ex, this has been challenging at best.

    However, my son is doing ok.  He’s probably learned more in the last few years than I could have ever taught him.  He’s bright, pretty well adjusted, sometimes teenage years are confusing and I see him struggling through certain things, but that’s nothing to do with the situation between his father and I, but just falls under “teenage years” category.

    I’ve been dealing with certain things with my son and yet I haven’t talked about it here out of respect for his privacy.  It’s hard because I’m used to just writing what I want and not caring about someone else’s reactions.  It’s been very difficult in fact.  I like to examine where I am, where I came from, where I’m going, etc.  So the inability to do so here has been a drawback for me.  And I’ve already said more than I was planning to….enough said.  I have it all figured out in my own head..but it’s so hard to put it down into words when employing self censoring.  Gah…

    Category divorce, keith, kidlet, life | Tags: | 1 Comment

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