shishnit.org

Lately I’ve felt very strong.  I’ve felt like I’ve truly overcome things. I find that I have been doubting myself because I’m currently working on something I’ve been hush hush about but a few of you (my only 2 readers…lol) seem to be onto me.  I never thought I could do this process myself and yet here I am doing it.  Entirely on my own, with tidbits of input from Rick.  But truly, I am doing it alone.  I am proud of myself and I realize at long last I am a different person.  I am confident, independent and strong.  So much stronger.  I haven’t talked about it, as in out and out because I don’t want to jinx myself and I want to rejoice at the finish line.  And honestly, it all comes down to hard work and belief in oneself.  I am still crossing fingers and I’m reserved and detached.  I’m nervous and jittery and yet, I am in the process and it’s exciting, rewarding and I am so fucking proud of myself I could scream.  It’s not a miracle or a magic trick.  Strength is something you have to plant, water and wait patiently to grow within oneself.

I’ve got this habit I’ve got to kick
Medicine I need just starts to make me sick
Shoulders I lean on start to be a crutch
Babe I think I needed you a little much
But I’m getting stronger, stronger, stronger
I get just a little bit stronger every day
I’m getting stronger, stronger, stronger
I get just a little bit stronger every day

You showed me the ropes but there were these strings
Tied around my hopes unraveling
So I took the loose ends and I made a vest
To cover up this precious thing inside my chest
And I’m getting stronger, stronger, stronger
I’m getting just a little bit stronger every day
I’m getting stronger, stronger, stronger
I’m getting just a little bit stronger every day
And the hole I never thought would fill
Started to spill

I’m getting stronger, stronger, stronger
I get just a little bit stronger every day
I’m getting stronger, stronger, stronger
I get stronger the further you are away
I had this problem but I’ve got it licked
I learned to tell the difference between a miracle and a magic trick 

Darden Smith