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Honey,
 
The last five years have been a huge journey for me personally, professionally and educationally speaking.  I’ve had many downs prior to having met you at all.  I’ve seen the worst kinds of things imaginable.  I have experienced things that have been hard to overcome and heal from.  I will probably always have scars, but I finally feel as though I can see the sunshine again completely.  There is no dirt on the windows of my life and I can finally see things clearly.  And it’s a wonderful thing.

I can only imagine how difficult it’s been for you to hang in, endure and not go down the crazy street along with me.  I know I have clung to you, pushed you away all while doing my best to love you throughout all of the things that have had nothing to do with you at all. 

I’m happy with my job, even though it makes me stress out a lot.  I’m happy with school and I’m extremely proud of myself for enrolling and working so hard to get through the last 3 ½ years and get so many A’s. I so smart!

There have been many times I have wondered why you would want to be with me.  I have been all things bad while trying to become all things good.  We have endured some of life’s biggest and deepest disappointments together and I have poured my pain all over you while trying to survive these disappointments myself.

The fact that you keep coming home from work and walking through that front door willing to hug me is amazing and I’m eternally grateful.  And while I’m unwilling to give you ALL the credit for all my hard work and efforts to straighten out my previously fucked up life, I will wholeheartedly tell you that had you been as crazy as I have been I might not have withstood things as you have.  I am without words to tell you how much I appreciate that somehow you’ve found ways to overlook my unkindness, my confusion and my constant anger about the past resurfacing.

I have seen us come closer, even while I constantly battle with my arms length disease and try to push you away out of fear.  Thanks for not ever letting me succeed in that area.  I will one day be better with that, I promise. 

This is a great moment for us…we’re buying a house.  I wanted to tell you that despite my blowing my horn over the last two flipping months, I would not be here, I would not be happy, I would not be rejoicing, if not for you in my life.  Sure, I decided to straighten out my life, but I wouldn’t have had reason to without you. You taught me that you can rebuild, love again, go on and more importantly do so happily!!

This is our home, our lives, and we are going to have so much fun planting those flowers you talked about back when you were driving that U-haul full of my previous life in 2003.  I bet you don’t remember that day, the one when you told me you could picture yourself planting red flowers with me one day. The one where you walked into my former life and helped me clean it up. Well planting flowers someday?…that day is very soon. Buy a shovel.

I love you!

Kristy