shishnit.org

I used to spend hours online late at night talking to strangers or writing blathering’s into my blog for attention from strangers, or simply just falling apart in the context of text, which was the only thing I had for an extremely long time.  Text, words to strangle or tangle myself up in.

Tonight it’s after midnight and I just spent a few hours online working on my film class.  I also scrolled around looking for a reading light for my bedroom so I can ditch can the clip on version because I bought a new bed for the new house.

I just had a moment of clarity.  Some would say I haven’t gotten over the past…they would be almost all wrong.  Yes, there are prickly things in my past that I struggle with, the former marriage is not one of them.

I am happy.  I am content.  I am overwhelmed at times with how marriage can be.  How good it is meant to be and is for me now.  There are small moments like now when I am munching on a late night bowl of cereal when I think, “Damn this is all so good, thank you!” 

I don’t know who I’m thanking since I struggle with my spiritual beliefs…but if it’s merely the universe or luck…I am full of gratitude.

I used to stay up staring at this blaring bright screen late at night to avoid…tonight for the past few hours I have lulled my aggravation with school and spending time at it…with thoughts of “when I get done, I can go curl up next to my man”.  The fact that I find reward in that is something I don’t take for granted.  Rick is not perfect, heck I’m not perfect….

But when I go lay next to him and listen to him breath in the middle of the night and feel my Chloe’ness curl herself up against my leg…..that is bliss.  That is home.  That is….