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During my first marriage I had two nephews, Michael and Matthew.  At the time that we got married and since we didn’t live in the same town as them, I never felt like their Aunt.  Strange. Then we got divorced I was oddly un-phased about losing his family.  After all I never bonded with any of them because I always lived somewhere else.

My sister has two daughters, Rena and Leah.  Shortly after they were born I moved from PA to FL, and because of family fissures, I have never felt like their Aunt either.  I hear about them but I haven’t seen pictures in about 2 years even.

Then Rick and I got married and I acquired 4 nephews in Florida and 1 niece in Illinois.  I got close to my nephew Sean (2 years older than my son) for a short period of time, but now Sean lives with his mother and two younger brother’s in Ohio in some small town and I never get to see them anymore.  I would have liked to keep Sean close.  I love him.  Once again I said goodbye to the thought of truly being an Aunt.

Then Matthew was born, and I had major infertility acceptance issues and while it took me months to accept things and be able to put my own shit aside to realize that he was a gift, he is the first child to come into my life and truly make me an Aunt.  Oddly enough he is the second Matthew to be my nephew during my lifetime but truly the first child to make me want to be a great Aunt.

All of this went through my mind this morning and I sheepishly acknowledge that I was a butthead for not getting it sooner.