There will always be a part of me that cares. I wish I could just hate him all the way already. Why do I care? I don’t care because of myself…I care because we have this amazing articulate beautiful child together and that child deserves better than a Daddy that gets arrested at his own home by two cops that come with a warrant.
And the new charge is?
“OBTAINING PROPERTY IN RETURN FOR W/L CHECKâ€
Yes I care what his father does, because I wish he didn’t do this stuff….god how I wish he didn’t do this stupid stuff.
He bailed out within 4 hours and by that time I had left work early to retrieve my son. I could see the worry on my son’s face. This is what happens when you love someone who is maddening and has a criminal mind. I realize it’s probably due to his not having a job and him trying to pay a bill he can’t afford, but in the big scheme of things when you write a bad check to pay for something you don’t have the money for it doesn’t help things, it exasperates them.
At the same time I’m human and I hope this is all driving his new wife fucking batty. And therein lies the place where I can’t ever seem to be the bigger person because I think she deserves every bit of the hassle he gives her. But I’m sad because Keith doesn’t.
It’s mind numbing. The entire thing just stresses me out too much when I think too hard about it. Watching him do these things to his own life (my ex that is) still sucks because it’s my son he hurts. You can get a divorce, move on with your life…but you can’t get rid of the baby daddy. I told Keith it’s impossible for me to entirely not care…because without his father I would not have him….so there’s some secret place somewhere so deep that just wants him to get his shit together and be a good person. And that feeling just reminds me of how much it sucks to want to believe in someone that will always dissapoint you.