I know about appreciative inquiry regarding change management. I can spout off different leadership styles faster than any actual leaders we have in charge, I can speak for probably 4 hours straight about diversity, ethics, organizational management, human motivation (extrinsic and intrinsic), ethics, communication (styles, issues, resolutions, strengths, weaknesses and on and on and on) teamwork, collaboration, conflict (why it is good, why it is bad, and all about collaboration and resolution of conflict). I know about critical thinking and man the information I could spout off about decision making, including problem solving, brainstorming (please note: 3 important things involved!!!), problem identification, decision making models (I know at least a dozen, the 9-step model being my personal favorite) I can mind map, benchmark, analyze and then I can do a cartwheel while designing a total rewards program to retain critical talent in the new millennium. I can tell you how to change employee behavior in changing workplaces, I can speak to emotional intelligence (don’t forget emotional quotient), social intelligence and ecological intelligence (aptly known to me as EI…SI…EI…..and EQ!) Something I say in my mind like Old McDonald had a farm EI SI …EQ and on his farm he had an Intelligence Quotient…EI SI EQ IQ you know!!!
I can speak about the big five personality factors, David Groves clean language methodology, personality traits, (lets have the nature vs. nurture argument the next time we all have a free 10 hours to blow…eh?), I have more theory’s and concepts about human behavior, human management and business resolution processes than an encyclopedia. I can do the work of change, I can give feedback, and I can be constructive and avoid the pitfalls of emotional breakdowns and strife in the land of emotional resilience. I can team build until the cows come home. I can speak about achievement motivation, corporative life cycle models, fallacies, techniques and strategies for anything business related whatsoever. I can delegate, develop a team, and design a management process too. I worship at the alter of Peter Drucker. I haven’t dated Eric Berne of Erik Erikson, but I know who the hell they both are. I can develop an ethics exercise and avoid the hellacious nature of offending someone in the process due to diversity protocol. I can make ethical decisions and I have a well known process for it. I know about life balance, life change, listening and how it’s more important than talking and I even know about ten thousand motivation theories and which ones seem feasible (coaching/mentoring) and which ones seem like Charlie Brown loser mentality theories. I think the Equity theory sucks. I know Howard Gardner’s seven multiple Intelligences and I have a freaky geek out love of them all. I know about 360 degree feedback, although I have yet to see it in play. I know what Six Sigma is but I probably will never do it. I even know all about 212 and why so many companies train their employees on such a silly concept. I have read about, written about and digested Maslow’s Hierarchy so many times it makes me want to puke when I even hear his name. I think the Kinsey test is bunk, however if I started my own company I would use it just to display my knowledge. I do believe in the Big Five personality dimensions and I concur the my knowledge of personality traits versus the goals of leaders and the traits they say they must have is essential to understanding what makes a man an ordinary stupid ass Donald and/or a Trump. I know what psychometrics is and I still don’t care. I know that if you have huge handwriting that’s supposed to mean that you are outgoing and an extrovert. (who cares?!) I know who Dale Carnegie e is, (again who the hell cares?)
I thrive on cause and effect and trying to backtrack through an otherwise forward moving concept. I rather have a crush on John Fisher’s model of personality change. I say the words “transformed organizational model†and my nether regions twitch with joy. I have a high level of cognition when it comes to charts, tables, organizational tools whereby you chart, path, mark out, analyze and generate new ideas and solutions and/or resolutions to conflict or issue. I enjoy realizing communication pathways to success, negotiating change and finding a supportive way to function within a team atmosphere. I know about SWOT analysis, BCG Matrix, Value Chains, 7-S Frameworking, the competitive advantage and the break-even analysis. I know the 14 principals of management. I’m aware of human capital development, affirmative action and cultural diversity (more diversity..amen!). But comprehensive staffing strategies are boring to me.
In other realms, I am fully freaking aware of the life cycle of a star, I know no less than 5 mythological god’s and their coordinating stories, most being Roman. (the ones I know that is…), I know that sound designers are necessary to making a good movie, I know more about Judaism than Catholicism and I was raised a Catholic, I know that Hindu’s believe in reincarnation and I know how lobbyists work (I might have been happier to not fully understand that one), I know about elitist theories and too much about wealth and power in America.
I know all of this……and yet I still can’t find a new job. Fuck you recession fuck you!
p.s. if you geek out about these management things…drop me an email so we can geek together. Thanks!
