You’re gonna want this back

By and large I no longer read mommy bloggers. My own infertility did me in for baby blogs.  I read a few because I have no willpower and they have children that are so cute and I’ve been reading them for so long I can’t help but stay.  But often those children belong to intelligent parents who can blog about things other than just “the baby did…..”  “The toddler that…” incessantly. I cannot tolerate reading all about kids all day long. I am a mother and if someone were to be technical they could call me a Mommy Blogger.  But my son is too old for calling me Mommy so I am a Mom blog.  Is that a term?  It should be.  (I do have a huge crush on a certain Bee’s granddaughter however!!)

The older your children get the more you should realize that one day you’ll be an empty nester and you’d better find things to fulfill yourself with that do not include Pampers and the latest baby gadget.  I swear when I was raising my son the Bumbo did not exist. I almost bought it for Matthew when he was born and then the epiphany came to me.  Keith did not have a bumbo and he’s just fine.  Ahh the sweet release from the “must have what the Jones’ have!”  Whew, but I digress.

I read a handful of true Mommy blogs.  It’s nearly impossible for me to not weekly get pissed off at someone because they talk about how difficult it is to raise kids and how they go over the edge of niceness as Mommy’s and perhaps do something they regret later. Oh, I had quite a few of those moments and one of my fondest memories is of Keith sitting on the kitchen counter around age 4 with his feet dangling while I explained to him why Mommy’s sometimes had no patience and then I answered ten more questions about patience and why non-doctors needed it.  His big blue eyes staring up at me while I admitted defeat in the area of “perfection” in the Mom department. He looked up to me but it was my job to admit I wasn’t perfect and that mistakes are ok but you apologize and try harder next time!!

Since the big often blogged about Divorce of ’03, I have blogged about what divorce causes, but always from the realm of my own viewpoint. I wish I could see inside my son’s head, but then again maybe I don’t. I do know a few things from my almost 17 years of mothering experiences.  There were a few constant things I think and feel and god how I hope …that I did right.  They are in no particular order.

1.    Enjoy this moment, it will go by fast.  When my son turned 1 I cried and then I vowed to remember every little thing.  I also took his bottle away…that day..he survived!!

2.    Read to your child.  He may grow up and hate books like my son but man do I have the sweetest memories of his soft blonde hair brushing my chin while I read about lions, tigers and bear’s oh my!

3.    Forgive yourself.  Forgive your child.  Shit will happen…love love love your child even more.

4.    The veggies don’t matter; the nap doesn’t either….tell your child you love him/her every single day…that matters. I once woke Keith up to tell him…it mattered to me.

5.    Pick your battles.  Most things simply do NOT matter.  The same dress for 20 days, who cares.  Dirty shoes, sticky faces, messy rooms…, uneaten carrots…DO NOT MATTER!!

6.    Be honest.  Even when the question is brutal.  Be honest. If you aren’t your kid will look elsewhere for answers.

7.    Expect NOTHING, ask for NOTHING in return.  You brought your child into this world..he owes you nothing!  If you get something in return…be ever grateful and say thank you!

8.    Keep the ceramic projects and homemade cards he makes you…FOREVER…through moves and divorces…they matter!

9.    Be yourself.  Do not act one way in front of your child and another elsewhere.   This teaches kids to do the same. Sometimes the way I talk with Keith shocks people, I tell them to fuck off…they listen.

10. Explain what you are doing and why, that parenthood line “Just because” is a cop out.

11. Become a better person not despite your duty as a parent but because of it.

12. Admit your mistakes, own them, apologize for them, and be real.  No one’s perfect and your child needs to know its ok to make mistakes and grow as a person.

13. Talk to your kids.  As much as they’ll let you. And then shut up and LISTEN to them.

I am a better person because I was someone’s Mommy, because I’m someone’s Mom.  While nothing is perfect and things aren’t the way I hoped for or imagined they would be because of divorce…I am so much better off for having done it all. 

He owes me nothing.

 
Frequently when people understand that I have no mother, no mother of my own that is involved and they ask me, “How could you stand it all these years?”  MY answer….has always been and will always be..”Keith”  That not so little boy anymore saved me.  He gave me one big giant reason to want tomorrows, to dream about the future and to hang in there for all of it. 

 

My other  fondest memory? Every single day that I’ve spent with my son.  I miss them all.  There’s a country song that makes me cry every single time and Trace Adkins says it all better than I can.  When I read Mommy Blogs, most of the time I want to tell them to stop complaining and take pictures and enjoy being sleepless and go watch their little one’s every action. You don’t get to do it twice.  If I could have anything in the world….it would be to watch Keith grow up again…and again….and again…..

“You’re gonna miss this

You’re gonna want this back

You’re gonna wish these days hadn’t gone by so fast

These Are some good times

So take a good look around

You may not know it now

But you’re gonna miss this