shishnit.org

It’s easy for me to admit my faults, beat myself up and examine and re-examine my personal issues that still need work. I do this not to make myself feel bad, or to remind myself that I’m human (well not only to remind), but I do these things because I’m always wanting to evolve.

The things I don’t do well?

Self promote

Acknowledge my own successes

Dream biggER

Expect that to change soon. I’m working on a new goals list becasuse I have found that ever since I enrolled in college and bought a house I lost my drive because I did not have a list of goals.  Working on that list now…  I have looked back and since I reached 5 major goals I have lost my way because without a list I have no direction.  I’m now mapping out where I want to be.  If you don’t map it out you seem to get nowhere.  At least that’s my finding for myself.
 

Today I read this old blog entry And I almost cried. I really did want out of that marriage for a long time. I also wanted to go to college. I also thought having car insurance was an amazing and impossible to sustain thing!

Wow how life has changed.  I wanted my freedom. I wanted my education.  I am now in Graduate school. I am also now so very free to do whatever I want.  I’ve also had an insurance policy consistently since 2003 when it all finally ended.  2002 was a miserable year.  Oh but every year since…so vastly different.

I also blogged this gem on Feb. 1, 2002….

Ever since he got a CD player in his car, he’s walking around carrying my BT and Crystal Method and Flickerstick and Hoobastank CD’s. This pisses me off because he loses things constantly. And he never paid for them annnd because lets face it when a relationship gets this fucked up you just do not want that person touching any of your stuff.

We ended up divorced and I still have those CD jewel cases…EMPTY. I should just replace them already.

This entry from Feb 4, 2002

There’s tons of stuff in that house that no one ever touches. I have a dining room table covered with tools and bullshit of his. I haven’t sat at that table for over a year now. The dining room is full of junk that should be in a garage, but we don’t have one… I think that someday I’m going to look back at this nightmare and be so glad I’m no longer in it.

Dear Kristy of 2002…you have no idea just how amazing life will be in 7 years, just hang in there..it’s worth it.  You will be so glad you are no longer in it.  You will be so happy with your life..just hang on….TRUST ME!

“School did give me one of the greatest gifts of my life, though.  I learned how to read, and for that I remain thankful.  I would have died otherwise.  As soon as I was able, I read, alone.  Under the covers with a flashlight or in my corner of the attic – I sought solace in books.  It was from books that I started to get an inkling of the kinds of assholes I was dealing with.  I found allies too, in books, characters my age who were going through or had triumphed against the same bullshit.
                                                                                                Craig Ferguson
                                                                                                American on Purpose
 

I love Keith David, he will always be my blue eyed sweet boy.

I love Rick.

I love Chloe.

I love school.

I love being employed.

I love blogging.

I love reading.

I love chocolate chip cookies warm out of the oven.

I love Pumpkin flavored everything, God Bless Fall y’all!

I love Halloween.

I love pumpkins, ghosts, witches, oh my!

I love hayrides, apple cider, Winchester, VA and it’s town center.

I love Craig Ferguson

I love his new book “American on Purpose” (on chapter 3 and LOVING it!)

I love being complimented on my perfume. Its this cheap one. 

I love that “cheap” part too!

I love my granite countertops, my stainless steel, my cozy kitchen!

I love my home!

I love my new manicured fingernails.

I love that I lost 9 lbs.

I love that I’m feeling healthy.

I love reading, writing, reviewing.

I love my new writing gig…wanna know where?  Drop me an email.

I love unexpected emails from blog readers.

I love expected ones too!

I love seeing dreams come true, people falling in love, joy happening!

I love the way my name sounds like a Christmas decoration.

I love that my friends have nicknames for me, “Kripsy, Krispy Kreme, Kris, Chef”

I love a little girl named Clementine that doesn’t even know I exist.

I love etsy, ebay, half-off sales, and big huge book coupons from Borders.

I love coffee.

I love hot baths.

I love reading in hot baths.

I love having “enough room”.

I love my husband’s hugs.

I love when my house is clean.

I love candles and I love to light them in every room at night.

I love words and I love decorating with letters and words.

I love poetry.

I love big comfy chairs to read in.

I love quiet bookstores.

I love collecting bookmarks, but I use post it notes and scraps of paper in reality.

I love Daytona Beach.

I love my brother in laws.

I love Old Navy’s clothes because they are soft, cheap and still cute.

I love bra’s that fit and underwires that don’t come loose.

I love thong panties and love to declare big girls should wear whatever the hell they want.

I love to do anything to feel feminine.

I love my easy hairdo and all the compliments I get on it.

I love rainy days and thunder/lightening storms.

I love sunsets, cold ice slushies on the pier and I even like hot skin from sunburns.

I love walking on the beach with Rick.

I love free books!

I love the way Rick has his own smell…its clean like soap but I’ve never smelled soap that good.

I love my Honda CRV.

I love my big screened in patio.

I love being a college student.

I love Carla, Theresa, Greg, and Bryan.   My friends that I talk to the most in life.

I love comments, emails, txt msgs from Keith and unexpected mail.

I love books in my mailbox.

I love opportunities.

I love life.

I love more than I hate.

I hate when people talk about people behind their backs.

 I hate when people put their noses into situations where they don’t belong.

I hate when people try to stir up shit where there is none.

I hate jealousy, arrogance, possessiveness, cheating and lying.

I hate when teenagers skip class.

I hate when I can’t eat lunch on time.

I hate how fast my great classes fly by and how slow the bad one’s seem to be.

I hate expecting a book to be good and then finding out that it sucks.

I hate how every time I’m off of school for a break I have nothing fantastic to read.

I hate e-bay sellers that do not communicate.

Jennifer Anniston’s new movie “Love Happens” pretty much sucks. One cute sequence..that’s it!!
“Self-mediation” a dialogue tool for use by individuals who are personally involved in conflict with another person with whom they have an ongoing relationship.  The self-mediator performs the essential functions of a third-party mediator while also representing his or her own interests that are at stake in the dispute.” ß-something in my next course materials that made me burst out in HAHAHAHAHAHA and then gag and then rip up the page.  I’ve been self-mediating since the great split of 03 and it doesn’t WORK.  Hogwash!!

I hate that I can’t buy everything I love on etsy.

I hate cold water.  It hurts my teeth.

I hate bad books.

I hate censorship.

I hate that it’s been 90 degrees in September.

I hate that the leaves in Florida do not change.

I hate the flue, bug bites, bruises that take forever to heal, tight shoes, fat days, bad hair days, pimples, broken nails, bad tasting gum, and pms.

I hate being tired, popping my magic pill and still not being able to sleep.

I hate making my own coffee.

I hate that dog’s can’t live as long as humans.

I hate that high heels don’t feel like slippers and you can’t wear slippers to work.

I hate conflict.

I hate fear.

I hate missing Keith all the time.

I hate that he doesn’t have a phone.

I hate that all the good books come out at the same time and then for months…NOTHING!

I hate that some people stay married to men they are no longer with for years upon years and even after they have a kid with another man.

I hate hypocrisy!

I hate feeling guilty about things I am not responsible for.

I hate parents who don’t read books to their kids.

Today I hate a lot of things…but really I’m ok.