I haven’t been an honest open blogger like I was in the past. With everything that’s been going on with my relationships with everyone in my life right now,  I just haven’t had the heart to jump back on the crazy train that my life seems to have turned into over the last few months. I’ve been spending a lot of time just staring off into space, swimming in the river denial and wondering how things have gotten to this place.
Rick and I are falling apart, have fallen apart…might fall apart…are experiencing major trauma…are a mess….are apart…? I don’t even know. I can’t even pinpoint where things took a big left turn. I only know that I’m not the one that grabbed that stearing wheel and headed off in the direction of the cliff side. I know he did. I just don’t know why or what happened.
I have cried, been in shock…fought for my own sanity and just sat bawling and praying to some entity that has no name but that of “hope†for quite a few weeks now. I’ve felt like his mother, his confidant, sometimes his partner in crime…a crime I never wanted to comit. Its so raw right now, I can’t put it into words. I have cheered other’s on as they rejoice for their new spring day…their rebirth and I am standing in a room full of shards of glass and it vaguely reminds me of some other chapter of my life…only worse because this time it matters on such a different level.
Maybe someday I’ll talk about it, blog about it. Maybe not. Hopefully I won’t have to. I don’t want to. Right now I somehow had to because it all just hurts and hurts and when I think I can be hurt no more, I am hurt tenfold again.
Do you think Thelma and Louise somehow landed on a safety net after their car went over?
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Sorry, so sorry for what you are going through and wanting you to know that I’m here if you need a place to vent.
My heart breaks for you. I’m so sorry.
I’m so sorry and I know how you feel. Looking around at a life falling apart without knowing quite how it happened. Email me if you need/want to. I am always here for you, even if I don’t always comment.
I’m sorry to hear this
I hope things get better soon.