June 13, 2010 by shishnit
I’m a big believer in forgiveness.  I am trying to remind myself of that now.  I was once forgiven when quite honestly I don’t think I deserved the forgiveness.  I think in a marriage, sometimes your success is only as good as your willingness to forgive.
A happy marriage is the union of two good forgivers. — Robert Quillen
I am sometimes angry, sometimes hurt, mostly vacillating between ok and forgetting and remembering and being in fear.
I believe, however that we will be just fine. A bit more rugged for the wear, a bit stronger, a bit better, a bit more aware.  I am madly in love with him…and I know he loves me. Â
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June 8, 2010 by shishnit
I haven’t been an honest open blogger like I was in the past. With everything that’s been going on with my relationships with everyone in my life right now,  I just haven’t had the heart to jump back on the crazy train that my life seems to have turned into over the last few months. I’ve been spending a lot of time just staring off into space, swimming in the river denial and wondering how things have gotten to this place.
Rick and I are falling apart, have fallen apart…might fall apart…are experiencing major trauma…are a mess….are apart…? I don’t even know. I can’t even pinpoint where things took a big left turn. I only know that I’m not the one that grabbed that stearing wheel and headed off in the direction of the cliff side. I know he did. I just don’t know why or what happened.
I have cried, been in shock…fought for my own sanity and just sat bawling and praying to some entity that has no name but that of “hope†for quite a few weeks now. I’ve felt like his mother, his confidant, sometimes his partner in crime…a crime I never wanted to comit. Its so raw right now, I can’t put it into words. I have cheered other’s on as they rejoice for their new spring day…their rebirth and I am standing in a room full of shards of glass and it vaguely reminds me of some other chapter of my life…only worse because this time it matters on such a different level.
Maybe someday I’ll talk about it, blog about it. Maybe not. Hopefully I won’t have to. I don’t want to. Right now I somehow had to because it all just hurts and hurts and when I think I can be hurt no more, I am hurt tenfold again.
Do you think Thelma and Louise somehow landed on a safety net after their car went over?
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Category Rick, family, health, keith, kidlet, life, love and marriage, world | Tags: | 4 Comments