shishnit.org

Do you follow them?  How do you know it’s a gut feeling and not fear instead?

My gut feeling on Friday night was to forgo the idea of bringing Rusty into our family.  Rusty’s owner got 20 calls inquiring about Rusty, I’m sure he will find the right home.

I sat with Chloe on Friday night and had this overwhelming gut feeling to not do it.  Why?

I’m not entirely sure.  I just did.  Perhaps it was fear?  How can we be sure?

We’re going to meet Rusty on Saturday…and if Chloe say’s its ok, Rusty’s going to come home and live with us.  Rusty sounds like a good companion for Chloe.  I’m nervous.  Rusty needs a new home due to the housing crisis. his Mommy loves him but she had to move into a condo on the 3rd floor and its not the best or most ideal situation for Rusty as she struggles to rebuild. 

Remember, we took Chloe in when she needed a home and I cannot say enough about how much I love Chloe.  I just hope they like each other so I can help Rusty.  Rusty is six, about the same age as Chloe, who we think is between 7 or7.5.  I almost didn’t blog about this because I don’t want to jinx anything, but keep good thoughts for us as we transition from a one doggie home to possibly a two doggie one. And keep good thoughts for Rusty as he seeks to find a new home. 

I saw an ad on Craigslist after rmy friend Theresa directed me there to read something else about a dog who had major behavior issues..not Rusty’s ad!!  And then I saw it….a min pin who needs help. My heart cracked open a hair…and then I felt a draft…an opening…..a possibility…

I love Chloe more than almost anything….except of course my son and my husband. But there are day’s when my love for Chloe tips the scales. However, Chloe is not uber friendly. She will tolerate people after she gets to know them and IF they give her bones and lots of love. It took her a bit to warm up to Keith but now she loves him madly. When my friends come to visit she barks like crazy. She’s also nipped my Pest Control guy twice!!! My one coworker friend thinks Chloe’s racist. My other friend thinks she’s just plain “mean”.

Of course because I love her and because she’s far from mean to me, I make up tons of excuses for her. “She’s cranky becaues she doesn’t know you”, “Do you let strangers touch you?”, etc. etc. In my world Chloe can do not wrong.

Today I got the following email from my friend.

“I thought that this was your dog, until I saw the description that read “Friendly” craigslist.org”

I couldn’t help but laugh. However, for the record, I still adore Chloe….madly and completely. I even might like that she’s not so so friendly because that means she’s in MY lap and no one else’s. I wrote back to my friend, “Of course that is not Chloe, Chloe is more beautiful!!!”   Yes, that is what I do when people notice Chloe’s naughty side, point out how pretty she is….it’s a deflection technique. See it works…..you can’t look at her and believe for a minute that she could be mean??? her??? mean???? no way.

• Not bounced any checks

   

• Not had any late fees anywhere for anything

   

• managed to keep money in savings once it’s deposited into savings

   

• only received one late notice and that was because I paid a bill on the day it was due and the notice crossed in the mail

   

• budgeted for my car insurance, therefore not been surprised by big bills

   

• Moved 5 times and then…

   

• Purchased a house (by myself) and my combined mortgage, insurance and taxes are coming in at only $5.46 more than our previous lease/rent amount (this will go down next year when our house officially is considered homesteaded and the taxes go down)

   

• Maintained a very respectable g.p.a. while also holding down a full time job

   

• Increased my personal income by 28%

   

• Purchased and paid off my vehicle

   

• Purchased 4 laptops…I am not easy on laptops, or else I keep getting the lemons!!

   

• Received a college education for free (no, no parents paid for it and it wasn’t a scholarship and it is an accredited college)

   

• Increased my horrific credit score (351 thanks to the criminal ex-husband) to it’s current 725

   

• Purchased at least 500 more books since I purchase about 100 per year

   

• Gained a slew of nephews and a slew of great in-laws

   

• Obtained a new pet, Chloe…

   

• Watched my son turn into a bright young man

   

• Verbally forgiven my ex-husband

   

• Stopped crying myself to sleep at night

   

• a great feeling of personal empowerment

   

 I think I’ll keep Rick.  I love you honey and could not be the person I am today without you.

Having just written the last post I wanted to definitely reflect on all that I rarely write about or say because despite the hardships and troubling moments, I am so blessed and I never lose sight of that…not ever.

Rick,

I love you.  You amaze me.  While there is no perfect, I think we’re so damned close.  So damned close that the margin of error that we have is so insignificant that it’s nearly invisible.

Thanks for supporting my dreams, for encouraging me to be myself and for laughing at my insane jokes and glib remarks.  Thanks for thinking you so got the catch because I know I did too.  Thanks for forgiving me my faults and my mistakes and letting me struggle through things without interference or judgment.  Thanks for “checking with the wife” and then for not getting mad and thereby letting me call your old boss and insist on retrieving your tools without checking with you first.  Thanks for allowing me to be empowered as a woman. Thanks for living with my stacks of books and crazy piles of hair that seem to end up everywhere I go. 

Thanks for making me dinner, putting the mirror on my dresser, taking Chloe on walks when I’m not home and letting her dig out her own bone from the bag because it makes me grin from ear to ear.

Thanks for the life you’ve built with me.  It’s absolutely amazing and my time with you is a gift.  A gift with a big bow on it.  The kind of gift that you want to admire before you open it because the outside is just as lovely as anything that could be tucked safely within.  Thanks for teaching me what a promise kept feels like.  Thanks for allowing me to vent about every person that has hurt me in the past so that I can walk through life with you without being full of resentments and long harbored ill feelings. Thanks for insisting that I hug you back and not giving up on me. You put up with a lot and rarely complain.

I love you!

Kristy

Keith,

You’re the son I dreamt about having. You’re the one I thought about before you were born.  You had your name long before you were ever mine.  And you are more amazing than I ever hoped for.

Thank you for laughing with me, letting me say whatever I need to say and telling me things that most teenage boys might not tell their good old Mom’s.  Thanks for helping me organize, telling me which shoes are the better pair and for forgiving me for everything I ever thought I could have done better by you.  I will probably never feel like I deserve you, but I will always be grateful that you are my son. 

I love you and I’m exceedingly proud of you.  I think you’re the most unique person I’ve ever known and I love just as you are, just as you desire to be, and for always unconditionally.

Love,

Mom

Chloe,

People may laugh because we all know you can’t read.  But I love you despite that flaw.  Thanks for always being loyal and faithful and loving me with every bit of your bigger than body heart.  Thanks for sitting with me when I study and laying with me when I’m tired or sick.  And thanks for being willing to lick away Mommy’s tear’s even when they’re mixed in with makeup and gunk.  People may laugh because we have our own language but my life is so much more because of little you.

Love,

Mommy