shishnit.org

So tomorrow is my first day working 12:45 to 10:15.  Yah those have got to be the crappiest hours for anyone to ever work. However, I work these hours Monday thru Thursday and then Friday and Sunday I’m off.  On Saturdays I work 7 a.m. to 1 p.m.  Those hours don’t bother me because Rick always works on Saturday mornings too.
These are the same hours I used to work once upon a day.  I am doing this to keep a job.  I am done with my degree in February and hope to find a job quickly after that for which I want to work for some great length of time.

I have been with my current job for 4 years now, nothing to sneeze at from the girl that got a new job basically every year for a long long time.  I will have more free time since my job basically entails opening and closing doors again, speaking to faculty and students, etc.  Easy.  Plus I’ve done it before.  The hardest thing about the job is the hours.  And they really aren’t that horrific because

1. I can run errands every morning for myself instead of coming home at 7:00 and flopping on the couch and accomplishing little to nothing in the evenings as I have been.
2. I can read at night whilst at work and they don’t care.
3. I have enrolled in a Human Resources certification program (6 classes for 6 weeks each) and will be overlapping that program to finish in February too.
4. I will be busy.
5. I will have the same paycheck.
6. I am off every single Friday when no one else is at the grocery store, bank, etc. etc. etc.  Sweet.
7. I work only 4 days before I have a day off.
8. Did I mention…I can read at work?
9. Did I mention I am done with my degree in February?

Nuff said!

I have a huge sense of gratitude.  Not just currently, but this is who I am.  I am grateful for all that I have.  While I struggle through things I still have gratitude.  When things are bad, I still feel grateful.

There have been recent cutbacks where I work.  They did away with 5 positions in the past week.  Mine was one of them.  Well, not quite but they did cut 2 of the positions with the job title I held.  The one they kept is located 40 miles from my house. I passed on the ability to keep the job and opted to work another position that I have worked twice in the past.  This means that I will be moving back to nighttime hours and will have my Friday’s off again.  I will be working from about 12:30 to 10 p.m. Monday thru Thursday with Friday’s off.

This arrangement allows me to finish college and not become unemployed in the process.  That’s about all I have to say about it.

There are 3 other’s who will lose their jobs in the next week or so and they will not be offered this alternative arrangement of working another position at night.  Sure some say the night position is bad.

I have learned about gratitude and I’m grateful to retain my same rate of pay and continue on my journey.

It’s back to pushing in chairs and unlocking doors for awhile and back to a lot of free time with few responsibilities.  Ahhh such is life.  I am ready for more, but I am taking this time to rejoice, re-energize and simply be grateful that I have a job, that I have lost nothing I have gained and that I have much to look forward to by having my own timeline to work with.

I also got an A in film class.

“Twentieth-century psychoanalyst Sigmund Freud described religion as a collective fantasy, a “universal obsessional neurosis” – a cosmic projection and replaying of the loving and fearful relationships that we had (and have) with our parents.  Religious belief gives us an external God who is so powerful that He or She can protect us from the terrors of life, and will reward or punish us for obedience or non-obedience to social norms.  From Freud’s extremely skeptical point of view, religious belief is an illusion springing from people’s infantile insecurity and neurotic guilt; as such it closely resembles illness.”

Living Religions – Mary Pat Fisher

I hate mommy blogs whereby the mother complains about being a stay at home mom, complains about her whiney bratty children and utterly has no gratitude for anything in her life.  Hate them. I could provide a list, but I’m sure everyone’s read one or two or three thousand of these ranting bitches blog’s. Yes, attack me, I don’t care.  I’m sick of them.

My mother used to listen to “My Sharona” by the Knack full blast on the radio when it came on.  Meaning this was before cassette tapes and CD’s even.  She had an 8-track player in her car when I was a young child.  This is the only song that reminds me of my mother and wouldn’t you know it, I hear the damn thing all the time.  I never speak about how much the chosen absence of my mother (her choice) affects me.  Mostly because I have learned to move through the world without a mother, but it doesn’t mean it is easy.  It can be lonely and heart wrenching.  She turned 60 this year.  It’s been 17 years.  In two more years I will have lived as much of my life without a mother as I did with one.

Rick’s brother Randy wants to quit his job. Ok I don’t think he wants to but his gf wants him too so he can stay home and watch Matthew all day.  She has to do some sort of nursing training and they have never put Matthew with a daycare or a babysitter and low and behold that would cost money so Randy is considering quitting his job. I have one thing to say….MISTAKE.  His gf is STILL FOR THE LOVE OF GOD married to someone else.  Therefore she can’t put Randy on her health insurance, etc.  And if she ever decides to up and leave him like she left the last one, he’s f’d.

My son came to me about 9 months ago and told me he thinks he is bisexual.  I think its highly possible that he’s simply just gay. I also could care less what he decides his sexual preference is.  My ex-husband is a Jesus Convenient and refuses to believe this is possible, because his lame ass considers homosexuality a sin.  Fool.  Have I mentioned lately how much I hate him?

I snore.  At night if it wakes Rick up, he will often wake up and act like a fool about how I am somehow doing this on purpose and that I can control my nasal passages and their behavior while I’m sleeping. This pisses me off because Rick also snores, but when his snoring bothers me, I remove myself from the bedroom and let him sleep.  I resent that I quietly do this but he doesn’t.  

I got asked out today by a cute guy.  A guy that I see often but don’t pay any mind to because I’m happily married, a guy that I only know in passing because he’s the delivery boy that brings my lunch occasionally when I order out from his place of business. I would venture to guess that he’s about 26 years old.  Considering my age, this is a nice compliment.  He had no clue, thought I was his age.  

In the last few months my ex-husband has a. had his house in foreclosure (it appears he may have restructured his loan for the time being), b. pled guilty to writing a rubber check for over 4k. (has to pay it back with fines and costs) and c. lost his drivers license (public records doesn’t say why but I think it might be because he hasn’t paid on the aforementioned restitution on time, etc.  I haven’t talked about any of it because while it concerns me, I’ve tried to move away from it as much as possible.  

A few days ago I drove down the street that I used to own a house on, the house that was foreclosed on due to the ex-husband’s lying and cheating ways.  I noticed that the next door neighbor’s house looked entirely different.  The previous next whore neighbors house that is.  And it had a for sale sign in front.  The next day I hunted down the house on realtor.com to learn that her ex-husband remodeled the entire house and now lives in a much nicer house with his new woman.  I hope he makes a killing on that remodel job because he deserves it.  And yes, maybe I’m crazy because I still always wish the best for that man. We were both equally wronged by our spouses, and the best revenge is to live a better life than theirs.

After being in college since Jan of 2005 I find it nearly impossible to write without fixing sentences etc.  It’s taken some of the blog writing and poetry writing thunder out of my storm.

I bought a house, we bought a house. (Technically I did it…but technically it’s our house) and we both still have savings.  And that my friend’s is sweet.

List of things I want to do to the house.

1. put a door in to access the outside patio without walking around the entire left side of the house
2. Paint all the rooms
3. Have a party
4. Organize
5. Hang up art, candles, pictures, etc.
6. Buy patio furniture
7. Organize 2^nd bedroom
8. find professional kitchen type shelves for kitchen (help!)

I am taking a film class after I finish Astronomy and Mythology.  Nice.  I can’t wait.  Something creative. I also got a flat screen TV for my birthday from Rick, it’s going in the bedroom.  

Well there you have it, if I have talked about any of these things before I don’t recall. 

Busy busy busy…or at least mentally I am.  I am taking two courses right now and am in information overload.  The house is getting there, Rick is doing fine.  Spent Mother’s Day with the kid and had a great time shopping and buying shoes and clothes and books.  All perfect and good things for Mother’s Day, including a card he wrote in that made me tear up.  Love that kid.

Fave song of the moment….

It’s the fortune in your hand
It’s the spotlight where you stand
It’s the answer you don’t know
It’s the space left when you go

Don’t know what you want
Don’t know what you want
But I know what you need
Don’t know what you want
Don’t know what you want

It’s the traffic in your head
It’s the cold side of your bed
It’s the place where you belong
It’s the words to your favorite song

I know what you need
I know what you need
To believe

- Shane Nicholson