February 25, 2010 by shishnit
Me: I’m going to the hotel to talk to Chelsea’s grandmother tomorrow at 10 a.m. Can you please come so that we can show Keith a united front and talk about this mess together?
Ex-husband:Â I have an important meeting tomorrow at 10 a.m. about moving to the Carribean.
Me: This is more important.
Ex-husband: I’ll see if I can move it. I’ll call you in the morning.
$10,000 says that he won’t call or show…and if I call him it’ll go straight to voicemail.
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February 24, 2010 by shishnit
It’s not as if I’m blogging my son’s problems to be flippant. I think part of me is blogging it all because I need to. I also don’t think that most blogs are an accurate depiction of what real life in real homes is. The pretty pictures of home projects and family outings scattered about pretty templates and yet none of the turmoil is ever included. Those blogs don’t help me..and I wonder sometimes why any of us blogs if we can’t be honest about our lives. I’m not blogging for an audience, heck I don’t have one. I’m blogging in an attempt to not lose my mind, end up smoking crack or end up in some mental hospital myself in the process.
I’ve lived with chaotic times before..too often in the past in fact. A lot of what is happening now gives me great pause because when I was in the midst of a miserable marriage there was a huge part of me that kept trudging on because of my firm belief that a broken family led to broken children. I know the masses will perhaps tell me all about their Brady Bunch scenario’s and how it all worked out in the end. But I’ve read the statistics. Just read this one page of statistics and it’ll make you cry.
 “Many studies have shown that the children of divorce are anywhere from two to three times more likely to end up with serious, long-term damage–tragic problems like addiction, delinquency, school failure or mental illness†from http://www.divorcereform.org/psy.html#anchor1035445 I think Keith has it all. He’s got the addiction, he’s dropped out of school entirely and his mental well-being…it’s in the shitter.
I knew these statistics when I was navigating through my ex-husbands first infidelity. It was the reason I put my own interests and well-being aside and tried to forgive him despite being on an emotional roller coaster myself. I feared what would happen to my child if I just bailed from the marriage. What I feared has come to pass.
The conversation I had this morning was one that I had nightmare’s about back in 2001. The fact that I was right and saw this coming doesn’t make it easier. I suppose the message I want to send to people is..make your marriage work. Be faithful to your spouse. Be diligant. If you fail, as I obviously did…this is what will happen. Your child will become a part of horrific statistics. I don’t say this lightly. I say this because I’m living it. My son is living it.
Now..the hard part is that I believe in tough love. I don’t believe in enabling and I think that his girlfriends grandmother is merely enabling these two kids to keep doing wrong because she played rescuer. They have to rescue themselves. I can read the statistics…I can caution other people..i just can’t for the life of me figure out how to help my own kid when he thinks he doesn’t need helped.
Category divorce, keith, kidlet | Tags: | 1 Comment
February 24, 2010 by shishnit
Apparently Keith prefers living on the streets for day’s on end, not showering and not eating over living with rules. He’s currently with his beloved girlfriend and her grandmother shacked up in a hotel room in Clearwater for the time being since Grandma drove into town to “assist” and found them dirty on the streets. I spoke to the grandma today who jumped me for not “caring”. Apparently if your child doesn’t want to
a. listen
b. Follow any rules
c. Go to school
it’s somehow you’re own fault. Apparently he’s also taken to “cutting”. And painfully and obviously his father only answers his phone when it’s convenient for him. I’m told he needs counseling…hahahha as if I didn’t already know that!Â
Who chooses homelessness, cold nights and no food over following a few simple rules? Oh nevermind…I know two young teenagers who do.
I have decided to “keep it real” because life isn’t all about puppies and flowers all the damned time. Apparently. God help me and more importantly may God help my lost child.
Category divorce, keith, kidlet | Tags: | 1 Comment
February 18, 2010 by shishnit
I’ve wanted to come here for weeks now and just write cutesy little things because heck, that’s easy. But heck, it’s also a cop out. A big one. So in an effort to not be a copout any more and to get things off my chest and to be “real†here we go. I haven’t really blogged about my child for years now because I thought it was the respectful thing to do. I still think that. But when things go this far left, I have no choice but to either…
Blog the truth or b. just quit blogging.
I could quit bloggin but one fundamental truth lives on. I started to blog to retain my own personal sanity when my first marriage was in the shitter. I write to work through my problems. I still don’t have blogad’s and I still don’t subscribe to selling out your children to make a living. Heck, I have no readership…not to say that those of you who do come here and comment don’t matter to me because I really like those of you who comment because I happen to love your personal blogs as well. I also have to say the email I got from someone whose name starts with an S. because she was concerned kept me sane for many many days because someone cared enough to ask. Ok clearly I’m putting off the inevitable…but the thing is…I have a confession to make.
Roughly 3 weeks ago I took my son home to his father’s house after he was with me for the weekend and he got into a bit of a tif with his father in the front yard after I left and decided to go and stay at his friends house. Neither his father or I really understood at that time that the real translation was “I’m done with you Dad and so see ya not just for tonight but foreverâ€.Â
This meant that Keith moved out of his dad’s house, dropped out of his highschool where he was woefully behind in credits and is now walking this world with girlfriend in tow and is not attending any high school, does not have a job or a drivers license, and is spending his day’s in ways that I can only guess at, but he seems to have a penchant for the worse habits in life, if you can follow what I mean. OK, so let’s get real. Keith is what most in the world would call a juvenile delinquent. He is jobless, homeless, and rather parentless in terms of his current situation and chosen lifestyle. He has texted me a few times in the past few weeks and most of these conversations lead nowhere because he doesn’t want to
Listen
Follow any rules
Go to school
So he’s out there by choice. He’s homeless by choice. I believe he’s staying with some less then stellar friends, people I wouldnt’ want to talk to let alone live with. These are all friends that his father allowed into his life because it was easier to allow him to leave the house with whomever than to be a parent when his wife wasn’t much interested in child rearing. Far easier to say “Sure leave…see ya later†than demand to know who what where and how. She wanted my ex but not his child. But he’s 10 months from turning 18 and for all the people who want to tell me how to parent, what to do, how to deal with this…there are more people who think they know what they would do in the same situation. However, when a child (and he is still a child) decides that he doesn’t want to listen to anyone there’s little you can do to change it. I can’t lock him up in a room, that’s against the law. I can’t get support from the police, the school stystem etc etc. Not that I believe parenting should be done by those agencies, but I think my son is a product of the piss poor parenting he received from his father. He (my kid) likes to tell me I’m a bad parent and won’t do anything for him but that’s because he wants things his way. He wants to live in my house with his underage girlfriend. And since that’s highly against the law, Rick and I aren’t going for it. He can move back to his father’s house but he doesn’t want to because he doesn’t want to
Listen
Follow any rules
Go to school
I’m not quite sure what his objective is except to sit around, smoke his beloved Rosemary (yah…as if I don’t know what that really means) and do whatever he personally pleases. Unbeknownst to me, he’s been smoking weed since he was 14. Something his father failed to ever tell me and something he hid from me.Â
And now the phone calls come when it’s coldest out and lately it’s been super cold here in Florida. I’m not even clear on where he sleeps, if he sleeps anywhere or when. I simply don’t know. He sometimes admits that being all grown up and away from home is no fun and he just wants to come home, but then sometimes he just says “Fuck you Mom†like two days ago, a text that sent me mid workday into the restroom just to cry blazing hot tears. Now this entry and this issue is not about me, but I can tell you this entire matter has brought me to my knees in desperation quite a few times. Just go to school kiddo…just finish what you started, make something of yourself so that your entire life won’t be about suffering.
My friend Greg tells me that Keith has a right to choose these things. But until 10 more months past, this is not legal. He’s 17. He’s confused (surely) and I’m whacked with tons of guilt because….I allowed him to grow up with his father. And yet….I have a friend who’s son is also 17 and he’s also a big mess and he’s been with his mother all along. Not to say she’s bad because that’s the furthest from the truth.
Having said all of this the bottom line is this. My son is living god knows where, doing god knows what, has no plans to go back to school and is happy to crash on anyone’s couch so long as his drug buddies can come along for the ride. Short of having him committed (and that’s something I’m checking on right now..) there’s nothing we can legally do. I can report him as a runaway but in the state of Florida that means jack nothing as there’s dozens of kids in the same situation. They don’t police runaways and quite frankly theres no malicious intent anywhere, he just doesn’t want to live where there are expectations or rules.
So…while I get up and go to work every day and I feed the dog just like every day and I write papers for college courses, fill my tank up with gas, go grocery shopping etc etc. I only get random text msgs and only when this homelessness seems to be rough around the edges for a certain child of mine….life goes on. My life has gone on. I think I’ve learned too well how to manage despite anything happening.
To add insult to injury my ex-husband doesn’t appear to be losing too much sleep. He doesn’t appear to care. He tells me he’s planning on moving to the Carribean if and as soon as he gets word that some (phantom surely) deal comes through. Keith is living out of a backpack. He has a cellphone that his father has to date been paying for but his father informs me that come the end of February if Keith has not moved back home and agreed to go to school he’s going to cut off the cell phone service because we both agree that if he won’t listen, then we can’t enable this anymore.Â
Also trust that this didn’t exactly come out of the blue. There’s been ongoing issues during all my silent from blogging about the kid years. I stayed silent to respect my son but when your son starts texting “FUCK YOU†to you…then respect is not mutual and so I’m blogging it.
My son is out there somewhere, doing his “own thing†and doesn’t care about anyone seemingly.   He doesn’t want to live with me because I won’t let his girlfriend move in. He doesn’t want to live with his Dad because he hates his stepmother with a blazing heat so hot it rivals the sun. When my ex-husband and I split up in 2002 I made choices that were largely based on finances. For the past 2 years I’ve been seeking employment whereby I wasn’t gone working all night….I’ve been unable in this recession to find it.
And this is where those choices and circumstances have led us. Oh sometimes life is a bitch. This is one of those times. I wrack my brain with how this is all my fault, so please don’t tell me how it is…I know now because hindsights a bitch and I’m not the same lost person I was in 2002.
If I read one more blog from some sleep deprived mother talking about how tired she is and how hard it is to be a parent I’m going to send her ten thousand teenagers who don’t want to
Listen
Follow any rules
Go to school
Please don’t tell me this won’t happen to you or your kids…because I never thought it would happen to me and mine.  Please don’t tell me how you would just go get your child and make them stay because at age 17…they can and will do whatever they please and there’s no law to give you the right to go snatch them and lock them up.
It’s all a hard pill to swallow so no need for you to strangle me while I’m already choking. I’m almost out of oxygen all on my own accord at this point.Â
And if you happen to be my kid peeking into my blog. I love you. I’ve always loved you. I’m just not ok with supporting your current choices. It’s also against the law to allow you AND your girlfriend to move in. I ache inside worried for you… I’ve learned the hardest of ways that the choices you make in life will come back to haunt you if you make the wrong ones.
And if you happen to be Rick checking in…I might be dead right now if not for you.Â
Category divorce, keith, kidlet | Tags: | 3 Comments
February 2, 2010 by shishnit
Ever notice that everyone thinks they know what they’d do in certain situations, yet they’ve never been put into those situations to know for certain?Â
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