shishnit.org

Every single week when I look up my ex-husband on the county’s public records there is something new being reported there.  He cannot seem to stay out of trouble for longer than a few weeks at a time at best.  I check on him because he is the father of my minor child.

Here’s a list of things he is currently dealing with.

1. He wrote a rubber check in the amount of $4,005.53 to the place where he leased office space for his business.   He then went to court and was ordered to pay restitution and court costs.  He then wrote a check for his restitution payment that bounced in June, then in July he made good on that with a payment of $321.00.

2. His house went into foreclosure and the best I can tell via public records is that he did some type of re-org to save it.  It is no longer in foreclosure, but it was.  His mortgage is far too high to be considered affordable.  He no longer has a business he’s running that is profitable so the income level is not the same.  His wife has no career or college degree and therefore her income is not helping much I’m sure.  Last I heard she was a bank teller. (not that bank tellers are bad)  If he got a re-org loan then he has to pay that amount in addition to his new mortgage.

c.            In March of this year Cox Lumber Company won a judgment against him for      $47,105.94.  Probably business related however the judgment is against him        solely because doh…it’s his business.

4. Because he bounced a check for that item up in a. his license was suspended.  Or perhaps it was suspended because of the charge, I’m not sure.  Either way on the 4^th of July this happened…

          This above being….a citation for having no proper tag on his vehicle and         also    for driving without a license. 

          So in other words….he has to pay restitution payments, his mortgage, his        additional re-org payments, and now he has this to pay.  Another $232 by          August          4^th.

         
          TAG-NO/OBSCURED/DEFACED

          07/10/08        $ 91.00 CIVIL PENALTY DUE 080408      

        
          DRIVE/WHILE/LICENSE/SUSPENDED 

          07/10/08        $ 141.00 CIVIL PENALTY DUE 080408     

Things are not going so well for him.  I have mixed feelings about this as always.  Part of me wishes he’d get it together but that’s the same part that knows he will never change and the same part that is thankful that he is no longer my husband.  I can’t wait for my son to be of age.

On the other hand…he deserves everything that happens to him.  

Driving with an Obscured Tag: $91.00

Driving with a Suspended License: $141.00

Your Ex-Wife knowing that you’re F$%^# up again: PRICELESS

All information freely available via public records online at http://pubtitlet.co.pinellas.fl.us/mainmenux.jsp

So much I rarely blog about.  But it has recently come to my attention that the ex-husband’s wife’s BMW was repossessed.

I emailed this information to my sister.

“Just found out last night from Keith that (the ex)’s wife’s BMW they bought 3 years ago was repossessed about 3 weeks ago.  He now gets up (the ex not Keith) at 4 a.m. to drive her into work and make it to work herself.  Can you imagine their drives into work?”

I usually do not gloat about these things and in fact there is a part of me that has always wished that he would get his shit together and be a better person. I always hold out hope that this time (when things seem on an upswing…) he will do okay.  I did it the entire 12 years we were married.  I have been doing it since we got divorced.  When he bought his house I crossed my invisible fingers that he’d manage to hang onto it.  Why?  Because it’s the best thing for my son.  It’s always been that way.  I want my son to have a father he can be proud of, etc.

I’ve spoken to my son all along about my feelings about the things his father chooses to do, and yet I have tried so hard not to be that parent in a divorce situation that badmouths their ex.  I try hard to walk the tightrope of being fair.  There are a few things I know for sure.

My ex-husband loves his son a lot.  My ex-husband has a lot of problems that have nothing to do with who or what is around him.  My ex-husband is precisely what my sister pegged him to be in her reply….

Awwww….poor guy.  Yeah right – he gets what he deserves.  Why can’t he just work a regular job and pay his bills like everyone else has to?!!!  He has a pipe dream of being someone important and wealthy.   

 
My ex-husband is a sociopath.  He has problems.  Problems that don’t excuse his bad choices nor do those problems make it any easier for those that choose to care for him. My son loves his father but he’s reaching an age whereby he sees things from a different perspective too.  My ex and I do not see eye to eye regarding religion, race, sexual preferences, political beliefs, etc.  We are two totally different people.  Sometimes now it’s impossible for me to remember why I ever wanted to be with him.  I blame it on youth. Because now that I know who I am and I understand who he is, it makes me draw a blank as to how or why we ever ended up together.  He doesn’t want to work for someone else, its above him to take on a part time job to get his finances straightened out.  He makes bad choices financially and otherwise (I mean look who he married….another person with no goals, aspirations etc beyond being a home wrecker).

The worse part is that my ex had to come clean and admit something about this BMW that disappeared and the impact it has on their day to day life.  He told Keith that they did in fact repossess it and that he has enough money in the bank to pay the car off but doesn’t feel the car is worth it so they will not be getting it back.

Who convinces themselves that this is the truth?  Only he can….my ex that is.  The sad part is that when I think about his wife….I laugh.  She so wanted my life and she’s getting it in large doses.

Last night after I ended my conversation with my son, who is brilliant and amazing and all things good, I went for a walk with Rick to take Chloe out before bed.  I started to talk about how frustrating sociopathic behavior is and how much it used to affect my outlook on life.  And how sad the entire thing is because despite all the pain he caused me in the past I wish he would get it straight and live life like a normal person because truly that’s what my son deserves.  I try to take all of this and make it all a life lesson for my son.  To learn what NOT to do because he sees the consequences his father is paying.  Going to bed at 8 p.m. to get up at 4 a.m. because you bought a car you never really could afford and now you’ve managed to lose it to repossession.  Lest we not forget their house was just in foreclosure, it appears they did a re-org loan on that and so it’s hard to say how long that band-aid will last either.

It’s all a mess.  One that many tell me not to think about or concern myself with.  But wait….wait people..you don’t get it.  The one person I love more than life itself…is affected by these things.  And that is my son….our son.  The little boy we brought into this world…and as long as I’m in this world I will concern myself with all that affects my child.

I hope that he is as strong as I interpret him to be.  I hope that he gets it the way he seems to.  I hope that he knows that his father has problems that are not entirely of his own doing.  Sociopath’s have mental illnesses.  I have never uttered these words because to be quite honest….that mental illness made me mentally ill for years.

Last night walking with Rick aching for what my son is seeing….aching for all the years that sociopathic behavior tortured me and made me depressed…suicidal and angst ridden….I realized….

I am calm.  I am peaceful.  My life is rewarding.  I have met goals.  I have purchased a house. I have clean credit.  I have a car no one will ever take away and so does Rick.  I have Chloe and I have love.

But I still don’t have my biggest wish…..  Sure I laugh at him…sure I think she deserves it and perhaps he does to…but honestly I wish I could make him better…but I gave up on that idea when he ended our marriage.  These are all things for her to worry about now….and yet I love my son.

It’s like some choices you make in life will haunt you to some degree for the rest of your life.

I said all of these things would come to pass.  When he and his wife were living the high life going on cruises…I told Keith to have fun…that it wouldn’t last.  I told Rick that I had to get my degree because he would never sustain things long enough…he being the ex.  I told everyone that I had a plan because I could see the writing on the wall.  They all nodded, but no one ever got it.  I took the time when all the juggling balls were in the air to put myself in a better situation to help my son…because when the circus tent was up and the show was going full blast I knew there would be a fire one day to burn it all down…..sociopaths have patterns…they never weave a different rug.  My ex’s world is one that I lived in for years, so while everyone smiled and his stupid bitch wife acted smug about her new car…I nodded and smiled…I even sang along to the circus music.  I knew the big top would come down one day…

I’m grateful to the universe that my son truly talks to me, that my husband loves me and that I have so much to be joyful about despite this one thing that makes me so sad sometimes I can’t hold it all in….  I’m grateful that I stuck to my guns and dismissed all the torturous commentary from those that never attended the circus with me.  I’m proud of myself and so glad I listened to my own heart.  I’m proud of my son and I’m glad he chooses to listen to his own heart too…that is the thing that I am proudest of in the end.

And it’s sad, so sad,

There ain’t no easy way round.

And it’s sad, so sad,

All you friends gather round

‘Cause the circus left town.

-Eric Clapton

Just two weeks ago I went to a used bookstore and found a copy of a book that was once mine…my name was in it….my former name…. 

I almost bought it…. 

I mean I didn’t sell it to them…I’m sure he did 

but instead I realized I’m not that girl anymore….not one bit…this girl can buy a new copy 

When you get married and divorced there is one thing that man has given you that he cannot take back.  His last name.  The day I got divorced my ex-husbands attorney asked me if I didn’t want to change my name.  My maiden name is extremely long and complicated and hellacious and no I didn’t want to.  I wanted to keep that short 4 letter name I earned in a long arduous marriage that made me miserable.  

I stood my ground and stated, “Your honor, can you please remind “his” attorney that he is not “my” attorney.  Thank you.”

The judge threw down the gavel…at least this is what I recall…and that was that.  I had the name for 12 years and I kept it.  Why I felt victorious had nothing to do with the name, a name I am still required to type into my work software systems because the company will change your “displayed” name but your user ID remains the same until I suppose you quit, get fired or die. 

Now that I’ve been remarried for exactly 2 years, 5 months, and 12 days or 894 days or 127 weeks, or 77,241,600 seconds and I still have to type my ex-husbands last name every single day several dozen times a day. I would really like to not have to do that.  I have no idea who to complain to in such a large corporation.

When my first husband took up with the next door neighbor and then married her, it occurred to me that she just completely wanted to “steal” my life.  I felt slighted by both of them because I knew her as well.  I was an emotional mess from years of mental abuse and lies.  I could not see clearly then what I have learned in the last 5 years, it was a blessing.

I have refrained from blogging about my ex-husband, his messes, etc.  I have done so partly for my own sanity and partly out of respect for my son’s privacy.  However, it has been difficult and now this new information is too juicy for me to hold in.

Because I’m purchasing a house and have mortgage lenders and brokers going over my finances with a fine tooth comb, and because I had a foreclosure on my record from the ex-husband’s cheating ways in the year 2001, they did a search on my name and any names associated with mine in the last ten years.

Let it be known that my ex-husband’s big ass house that he paid too much money for in 2005 with my previous next whore neighbor, is in foreclosure.  He was also recently arrested for writing a Trampoline Trust Fund check.  IE: An insufficient funds check in the amount of $4,000.  He also has a judgment against him for over $40,000 that appears to be from someone business related.  That business he had that had the fancy signs…is now defunct.  Things are falling apart in his life again and I’m glad I’m no longer married to him to experience that world yet again.

I thought I would rejoice at his inevitable downfall.

I actually feel bad for him and am concerned for my son.  I even called him and told him I would do anything I could to assist in anything Keith needs.

He claims they are doing a re-org and everything is fine, but he’s a habitual liar too.  So who knows anything for sure.  Funny that I have accepted who he is, and it no longer affects me so acceptance is easier.  I no longer hate or loathe him. 

But for her….I would love to be able to say “thanks for taking my nightmare, I appreciate it.  You wanted to steal my life, congratulations you now officially have it.”

I close on my house tomorrow at 3 p.m.

Irony.