May 19, 2009 by shishnit
You and I haven’t visited in quite some time.  I used to come to you a very sad and lonely and dejected girl.  Now I come full of plans, ideas and music. I come to you wanting to steal a few more minutes to read blogs, read books, listen to new tunes.
3 a.m., I just went down the hall and stood over my husband.  He’s quite sweet at night, sprawled out like a little boy.  While my heart still has pangs and missings for my true little boy…..I know that life is better now.  The now is better because I am no longer suicidal and sad and full of despair.  I decided I wanted to go to college…and so I did.  I graduate soon. I decided I wanted a house and so it was. I decided I wanted this chair facing the window towards the back yard and so it was.
3 a.m. this makes no sense to anyone but me….thanks for allowing me to visit without pain….it still amazes me.
Love,
Me
P.S. HEY 3 a.m. bless my little boy across town….I miss him.
“Let your soul be your pilot.  Let your soul guide you and guide you well†– Sting
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January 15, 2007 by shishnit
Rick and I went to see Cascino Royale tonight. The movie was excellent. I loved it. Daniel Craig is amazing looking and the entire movie kept both of our attentions. Rick’s because of all the action…mine because….have you seen Mr. Craig’s behind? I mean….geez.
There’s also something internally pleasing about going to the movies with Rick. I love the way he holds my hands and there’s no better excuse to hold hands than at the movies. We just don’t sit around at home holding hands….but at the movies…always. I love the way he rubs his fingers under my fingernails. This is something he did the first night we were together and it makes me warm in a non-temperature way but in a soul way.Â
Today’s been a day full of new songs. There are only a few things that I adore more than books. The things I adore go in this order.
- kidlet….I adore my kid more than anything or anyone…ever
- Rick…he’s cutest when he doesn’t even know it
- Chloe…she’s the shishnit dog for sure
- Books…they please me in ways I can’t explain. I read this quote today and fell in love with it. “If you cannot read all your books…fondle them—peer into them, let them fall open where they will, read from the first sentence that arrests the eye, set them back on the shelves with your own hands, arrange them on your own plan so that you at least know where they are. Let them be your friends; let them, at any rate, be your acquaintances.†– Sir Winston Churchill
- New songs: Used to – Daughtry, Sleeping to Dream – Jason Mraz, Nobody Knows me at all – The Weepies, Fidelity – Regina Spektor, Careful what you wish for – Jonatha Brooke, I’ll see your heart and I’ll raise you mine – Bell X1, Walk Away – Ben Harper, The Best Deceptions – Dashboard Confessional, Wonderful Love – Creeper Lagoon, White Winos – Loudon Wainwright IIII
New music always breathes a new life into me and it’s the best non-drug fix to depressive feelings. I love new music. I love songs that make me feel good inside and out. It’s odd to say this but I hope at my funeral or wake they play “Higher by Tara MacLean. It’s the prettiest song I think I’ve ever heard.
In other subjects…have you ever read a blog where the person claims to love someone madly and then a year later that person’s disappeared and they now LOVE someone else madly? Irritating…..even though it happens in real life. Still irritating. Another irritating blogger habit….those that bitch about wanting a better car, house, marriage, blah blah…..when you see a pretty damn nice house…car….marriage…etc. Yah maybe it’s just me?? I dunno. Maybe I’m blogged out…..reading them that is. Perhaps I need to scale back what I mentally ingest. Maybe it’s just late and I’m tired.Â
My time stamp here is messed up. I never know the timeframe I’m in. But anyways…it’s about 4:30 a.m. here Sunday/Monday morning. So I’m starting to get weirded out because it’s that dangerous hour for a chick prone to depression. Perhaps I need to go crowd against my husband in bed….for warmth and sleep….sleep….Happy Martin Luther King day.Â
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