i had a dream about my tiny house last night
i was married and lived in it with my husband
and he let me build an extra room for my books
with a blank wall for a projector screen, so we could watch movies
it was lovely
The world’s cutest baby now has her first modeling gig.
Isn’t little baby Clementine just to die for cute? And aren’t those hat’s her mommy makes to die for adorable?
This is Boxx’s granddaughter. I’ve been reading Boxx’s blog for..EVAH…she’s inspiring and I love her. And little baby Clementine makes me smile every single time I see her peeping out of her grandma’s blog. And Clementines talented Mommy sure makes some cute hats! What a cute gift they would make for the hard to buy first, second or third baby in a family or just for the totally cute little one’s.
How is it that you can love someone that you have never met? How is it that I called my Grandmother and asked her to pray? How is it that I’m sitting here crying. This is why I’m crying
Karen is one absolutely fantastic woman. A woman who’s book made me laugh, cry, and laugh even some more. Her book is far far better than most memoirs I have read to date. Truly. She is a fine lady who has given me the absolute best advice over the years. The most recent being here. When she left that message I had a long conversation with Rick that night. We made up and resolved that marital bump in the road because of her. Because of her wisdom and her willingness to step up and give me some advice. We had an email exchange that went far deeper into the topic than what was even on that blog post. She continued to step up and talk me through my own confusion and pain. She truly helped me. AND it was not the first time she ever did that, I really can’t fathom it being the last time. I just found every email she ever sent to me and she signed them all
Friend,
Karen
I’ve been following along with her life (you know….reading her blog) since August of 2001 when I started my own diary over at diaryland. That is a very long time to have someone be a part of your every day life. When I sent out a graduation announcement email it was her response (after watching my former trainwreck of a life and hanging in there through many many aggravating blog posts and her following through my transformation always encouraging me) that truly made me cry with self pride. She truly aknowledged my accomplishment like few other people have. She touched me so so many times.
I am so so heartbroken. I think I’m going to go sit in a dark room now and cry. She’s exactly the type of woman I wish I had had for my very own mother….she has never been just a “friend” to me or just a “blog” I read. I wish I would have told her exactly these words “I wish you were my Mother” because I thought it so so many times over the years. I’ve always wanted a mother, not mine….but someone like Karen…someone exactly like Karen. I love her.
I said long ago that when the ride was over I would cry. I had no earthly idea how hard it was going to be. My workpal Chad was fired (let go…due to not meeting standards that are impossible to meet for anyone…honestly not because he deserved it) and that was over a month ago. I haven’t yet had the fucking heart to even blog about it. It didn’t hit me for a few weeks either. And now it’s been nearly a month and I feel as though I am mourning someone’s death. I go to work and I miss him. A lot!! I really miss him more than seems normal but it’s as if I’m working a job that’s no longer the same because his presence is gone. I do keep in touch with him and I have talked to him at least twice a week since he left, but this was someone I talked to every dang day before…for up to 9 hours a day!!! I miss him because not too many people get my sense of humour and he actually perpetuates it and brings out the best in my funny bone. I miss that. I miss someone to laugh so hard with that my side hurts and I fear peeing my pants.
I miss him so freaking much it’s making me insane. He once said he would miss BS’in with me when the ride was over….. I knew then it would be hard when it came to some natural end…but damn I had no idea how much it would hurt.
I’ve worked with dozens of people in my adult life…and rarely do you have so much fun with another human being. He and I laughed so much we were humour partners in crime. I am walking in graduation on Saturday and Chad won’t be there. He feels odd coming to an event so utterly surrounded by what are for him ..former co-workers. I understand it and don’t expect him to arrive but I really always envisioned my graduation with a few dozen whoopie cushions going off when they said my name…whoopie cushions courtesty of Chad’s doing. That won’t happen now…and I am more than sad about it.
Chad was there the entire time I worked through my undergrad and made jokes to keep me motivated and going every time I complained or said I wanted to quit. He was there from week 1 at my job. And now he’s not at work and he won’t be at my graduation. I asked him to send a big gift to make up for his absence and he laughed and said “Yah right Chef, I’m unemployed…Daddy can’t send no big gift!” I got a birthday card from my co-workers and Chad’s name wasn’t on it….it seriously made me go in the bathroom and cry.
My friend Chad…at some work event a few years ago….
Tonight I sent him this email. It’s rare for me to tell someone how I really feel….but I had to.
……
Its like being in your favorite bar without any drinking buddies in sight.
Like having a brand new pack of condoms and nobody to fuck.
It’s like finding a chocolate cake (after two weeks of straight dieting) in your fridge but then realizing it’s got mold growing on the side of it.
Like buying a new book and reading to page 100 only to realize at 2 a.m. when you get to the good part that page 101 thru 200 are missing and 1-100 are repeated.
It’s like buying a new car and it breaks down on your first ride home.
It’s like feeling like you’re the only one that gets it and no one else around you does.
It’s like going to church and having no one to laugh with at the funny pants on the old woman sitting in front of you.
Like winning $1,000 and then losing the ticket on the way to cash it in.
Like wearing a new pair of pants and the first time you sit down they split down the seam. (not that THAT has ever happened to me…..!!!)
I am going crazy being in here without you.
I see things and there’s no one to laugh with.
Feee-uck it’s hard to explain.
It’s like being in the big house but Bertha got out before you.
I miss you Bertha.
p.s. I didn’t eat the cake either!!
