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  1. 1986 called and it’s back!!

    October 5, 2009 by shishnit

    I went to the mall this weekend with Keith. I’m not a big mall supporter or shopper. I do go to the bookstore all the time, that’s attached to the mall but I really only venture into the mall when I get my hair cut as my glorious hairdresser works in there. 

    Keith and I went into a few clothing stores.  I felt like I had gone into a time machine and came back out in 1986.  I swear.  The things that the younger crowd thinks are cool and new and hip…hmmm not so much. I picked up a pair of jesus sandles…ya know the ones, with the zipper up the back and all the strips of leather like Jesus surely wore back in the day and told Keith, “I had these in the ninth grade, they were ugly then but everyone had them so I had them too!’  Yah I know they’re called Gothic sandals, I refer to them as “horrific then  horrific now sandals”.  Incidentally get ready for the ugliest plaid shirts you’ve ever seen in your life.  Mork called Mindy and even she told him not to wear that shit…but all the Morks of the world are not going to listen. I even saw fingerless mittens in Target.  Fingerless mittens might make sense in Florida but come the hell on, who ever wears any mittens in Florida?

    We saw belts that looked and worked like seat belts…I swear I had one of those too.  And the neon, and the tapered jeans.  Oh my!  1986!!  And today I got an ad from a online retailer advertising “leggings”.  I tried on a pair of pants that were made from an uber cute material at Lane Bryant…they were tapered. SO GROSS.  I whipped them off my body so fast and was almost grateful because they were $60.  C’mon….that’s insane for one pair of moderately nicely made pants. 

    OH and according to LB somehow I now wear a Petite in length?  I’m 5’5.5 and I’ve never been petite in anything in my life.  And stretch pants….come the hell on, who liked those the last time?  And how about some high waist pants so we can all look fat, if they make Jessica Simpson look fat..c’mon.  What is with the clothing trends of late? Even I could wear the low waisted pants with a normal shirt and not have a muffin top…but high waist..why not acentuate the worst of the worst….no one who shops in LB can wear high waisted pants!!

    At Target my son showed me some moccasins.  Moccasins!!  And this is COOL according to him.  I have finally hit the road of “OLD” and I’m trudging along in my own lane because damn those things were ugly.  And damn I’ll probably end up buying a pair someday. FOR HIM NOT ME!!!

    Today I thought surely there has to be something cute and new I can buy for fall…so I’ll check online. And look at what I saw.

    these…would you spend $68 on these beaut’s?  C’mon and big girls are supposed to wear this?  Pahhleez…!!!!  68 dollar stretchy pants worn close to your chubby legs, thighs and ass?  Tuck in your shirt and wear a pair of ugly ass boots that don’t match too.  Your wide fat knee will look fantastic peeking out over the top of these fugly ass boots.  They should call these pants “Cottage Cheese enhancers from our BIG ASS BIG PRICE Collection” and at least be honest.  Curve enhancing my ass!  “Curd enhancing” is the truth.

     

    Add to wish list?  Check NOT.  I swear that tomorrow I’m going to see someone in leg warmers with those jesus sandals and a big ugly seat belt under her tucked in bright plaid shirt.  I’ll be sure to take a photo. 

    Category humour, keith, kidlet, life | Tags: | 1 Comment

  2. Dear Target….”plus” shouldn’t mean ugly

    August 10, 2009 by shishnit

    Today  a co-worker said to me, “Hey I have that same shirt and I love it!”

    I looked down to see what I was wearing and it was the white t-shirt style ruffly top that has a low swooping neckline, the one I wear with a light blue tank underneath because it’s very low swooping, the one I bought off the maternity rack at Target because it was so cute and did NOT LOOK MATERNITY to me at all.

    And I glanced back up at my coworker who also has not had a baby in 6 years.

    So I said, “Yah the maternity department is cuter than the plus size one isn’t it?”

    And she said, “Yes..yes indeed”

    We both smiled and carried on.

    Yah Target…..get with it, us chubby girls are just switching to your maternity department and that’s really sad.

    Category humour | Tags: | 1 Comment

  3. just funny!

    July 24, 2009 by shishnit

    Category Uncategorized, humour | Tags: | No Comments

  4. guilty pleasures

    July 5, 2009 by shishnit

    What is your guilty pleasure?  I have a few.  Buying a candy bar and then sitting down to eat the entire thing, dragging the process out into nearly a half hour.  Yum.  This of course is something I rarely do because, well because I’m fat and I can’t be doing that all the time. Going to a movie instead of work and stopping at Target to buy a bag of rosemary popcorn and sneaking it into the theater. I really love to sneak food into the theater, it makes me feel happy crazy inside.  I equally love to take a personal day from work and sit in a bookstore ALL day long picking out as many new books as I want.

    My other guilty pleasures include:

    Taking a bubble bath every night after work. Reading in said bathtub. EVERY NIGHT! Drinking Coffee whenever I want. Buying trinkets off of etsy. Reading the entire set of “Shopaholic” books when I was sick a few months ago.  Sometimes scrolling the Internet is a guilty pleasure when I should be studying or writing a paper for school.  I’ve just had a guilty pleasure weekend whereby I’ve done so little schoolwork it’s been awesome.

     

    I also have a long list of guilty pleasure telelvision shows.  I do not watch “Lost” or “House” or any other intelligent shows.  My brain cannot handle that stuff.  When I do watch television, it is “The Gene Simmons show” (seriously my favorite show ever….I laugh throughout the entire show, I love that family and I was never ever a KISS fan!), “Tori & Dean”, “Denise Richards It’s complicated” (something I secretly call “The Fun Bag’s show because seriously when the hell does that girl do anything complicated?”), Rev Run’s show, Hammertime (stop with showing us your Twitters..it’s stupid) and the Kardashian show…the latter is really addictive, I especially love Bruce Jenner on that show, he’s always doing something stupid.  Ahh you get my drift?  I also watch TMZ with Rick all the time.  It’s guilty television watching and I can’t help it. I like to be entertained and yet not committed to having to see every episode or being on a television viewing schedule.  I don’t have time for that.  I also love to turn off the TV and realize that if I mis something I won’t stay awake all night wondering what happened.  I cannot stand any show whereby someone has to win a key, be chosen, be dismissed etc.  I watched one season of Rock of Love and I watched all of that crapola with Flava Flav and New York big tit’s dumb girl. “Yah boy!”  Yes, it’s not something I speak about or blog about because it’s total crap and its a total waste of my time, but..it is my guilty pleasure, that’s for sure.  I love crap television, let this be my confession. Oh yah, I also watched 2 entire seasons of Tila Tequila and thought for a few moments that I surely was gay because that girl is HOTT.  Yes, there I said it.  She’s hott.  I have no idea why I think she’s hot because I do not ogle women etc.  I have two lesbian neighbors and they are far from hott.  I wish they looked like Tila.  Screw Angelina Jolie, Tila is hott. Yes, with two t’s.

    But more recently, my guiltiest pleasure was reading through “sTORI Telling by Tori Spelling”.  I bought it last night and read it last night until 4 a.m. with Rick sleeping beside me.  Ahhhh……bliss.  I like Tori and I like her and Dean together and I think their relationship is really genuine and real.  I could be being bluffed…but I don’t care.  Her book was a relatively quick read and she kept me interested throughout. I realize she didn’t write it entirely herself, but that’s ok too.  I was entertained and happy while I read that book, something I can’t say about some other highbrow novels.

    Yes reading what some would consider trash novels…that’s my guilty pleasure.  I bought that book and hoped that no one of substance saw me doing so.  I wanted to hide the cover of Tori’s book, but I loved it. I loved every sentence and I am now trying very hard to stop myself from buying her second novel until it comes out in paperback.  Oh….I’m going to hold back on that pleasure because sometimes waiting is the biggest tease of all.

    Liam is adorable….Stella equally cute and the thing I love about watching them is that they truly seem to love each other. I hope they don’t get hit by the “reality tv show curse” because I personally might cry. I like their happily ever after story.  I like how they cry when they have to part from each other. I am a sucker for it all. I like Tori Spelling and guess what….I never was a big fan of 90210.  I really couldn’t stand Brenda ever.  I used to watch “Jon & Kate +8″ and have now boycotted that show. I stopped watching regularly about a year ago when I got tired of watching Kate hit Jon on air, belittle him on the joint couch and basically yell at him every chance she got.  The more weird her hair got, the less I watched. I’m not going to watch that show anymore and I hope beyond hope they cancel it. 

    I’m a smart girl, I read tons of books every year despite being in college. I still read good for your brains material. I watch the Discovery channel, etc. etc. etc.  I try to justify my guilty pleasures……but really they are just that.  Guilty pleasures.

    What is your guilty pleasure?  Do you have more than one?  Do share.  What are you hiding from the world? 

    Category books, humour, life, reading, world | Tags: | 3 Comments

  5. cucumbers are horrible…my ass!!

    May 27, 2009 by shishnit

    I think it has been said before but women buy things that smell like cucumber….and yet men are surely not attracted to cucumbers are they? I believe she said it best and first. Ever since I read that blog post of hers (and it was ages ago) I’ve been more aware of my attraction to cucumber scented items. I love Bath & Body’s cucumber melon line…so yummy.

    Today I had a big chuckle at the grocery store because I immediately picked up this product….JUST BECAUSE it had the word cucumber in it. And then on top of it “Cucumber White”*. Doesn’t that just sound refreshing? Like an internal bath for your esophagus? I mean it just sounds delicious. I fully expected the actual tea bag to smell delicious but the tea to taste like ass slime. (Now doesn’t THAT sound like the river of hell? Ass slime…grody!) Image Hosted by ImageShack.us I have to say…..its some pretty damned good stuff. I think it would make a killer iced tea too…with a few cucumber slices floating on top…..and a cucumber smelling man serving it from his cucumber…er…wait…I digress.  Also…the tea bag package color…the green/blue…I swear I’m taking that sucker to Lowe’s and having them color match it so I can paint something that color. Because why just buy things that smell and taste like cucumbers? Why not paint walls to remind you of cucumbers?

    Do you know of any awesome cucumber products??? Please share…!!! I’m addicted.  And yah…last I checked…Rick wasn’t drooling over the cucumbers at the grocery store.

    *the cucumber white tea has antioxidents in it…yah that’s WHY I bought it….uh…er….yah…..that’s why 

    Category humour, life | Tags: | 1 Comment

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