reaching the finish line
I’m so close to finishing my undergrad degree and I have many options at this point. I’m rather bored with my current job, not because I am unhappy or because it is somehow bad, but because I am ready for challenges, changes, etc. I have worked the job for over 4 years I love the people and I love feeling like I’m working at home because I’m that familiar with everything. However, after 4 years of taking classes and being in the final few, I am ready for something BIG.
However, I could continue on and gain my Masters degree for free. Yes that word FREE haunts me because one day I might look back and wish I had done it. Wish I had gone for it and just lasted out another year with boring work duties, etc. However, the bigger part of me yearns to spread my wings and fly and not just fly but earn more money and do more things with my time. I’m also equally tired of the work schedule I’m currently working. I don’t loathe it or hate it and I actually like certain things about it, however it’s not the schedule..its my strong desire to move on to new things. I need new things in my life.
One thing that my ex taught me due to our constantly moving and moving from state to state too, is that change is good. I used to hate it, and now I’m craving it.
This morning a friend of mine, who works for a company that I long to work for, contacted me about a job opening at her company. I would like to work there because it’s a government job, because it’s close to my home, because it has great beneftis and because the hours are phenominally good) sent me a job listing that the company announced within the company. I have sat here at my desk contemplating submitting my resume. My hands started to shake. It’s as if I’ve been on this path for so long it’s almost hard to believe I can apply and that I am now qualified. Not to mention the huge numbers for what the salary is, what it would be after a year and what it potentially can be after one takes certain tests. It’s good stuff. Very good stuff. I’m not a money chaser and when I do earn nearly 3 times what I earn now I don’t intend to become greedy and spend like an insane person. I see those digits and I think “security”, “safety”, “options”.
When I started to blog I wasn’t in college, I was in a bad bad place in my first marriage and I wanted so much more for myself and yet I thought I had to make that marriage work to obtain what I needed. I had no idea what I needed, I only knew then that I was confused and on a crazy train going nowhere. I think now back to those times and I feel strangely removed from that girl. I recall her, I know how she felt, but I no longer know her at all.
So much has changed, so much for the better. This morning the sun was pouring into the living room, bouncing off of our glass coffee table and I thought, “Wow it’s just so damn pretty”. Not the light…not the room, but this feeling, this feeling of being one with yourself. I’m there. My shaky hands are merely an indication that no matter how much time goes by, I am so grateful it’s hard to contain. I shake because I’m reaching my goals and living my dreams and I no longer feel trapped emotionally, mentally, or career wise.
Now, to tweak my resume for the next few hours to polish it up and update it…with my outstanding g.p.a. and think about the possibilities. With that job I could continue on and gain my MBA, and sure I might have to pay for it, but I could pay cash and not bat an eye. Free…it was outstanding and I will forever love the company I now work for for all they’ve helped me to achieve.
But right now this girl wants to unfold the wing’s she’s meticulously grown over the last 4 years and fly. But what’s amazing is that we have such a good life already, it’s like flying off into the big blue yonder…knowing all is well either way.
