shishnit.org

cluttering up the internet since 2001

 

I truly do have grattitude

Having just written the last post I wanted to definitely reflect on all that I rarely write about or say because despite the hardships and troubling moments, I am so blessed and I never lose sight of that…not ever.

Rick,

I love you.  You amaze me.  While there is no perfect, I think we’re so damned close.  So damned close that the margin of error that we have is so insignificant that it’s nearly invisible.

Thanks for supporting my dreams, for encouraging me to be myself and for laughing at my insane jokes and glib remarks.  Thanks for thinking you so got the catch because I know I did too.  Thanks for forgiving me my faults and my mistakes and letting me struggle through things without interference or judgment.  Thanks for “checking with the wife” and then for not getting mad and thereby letting me call your old boss and insist on retrieving your tools without checking with you first.  Thanks for allowing me to be empowered as a woman. Thanks for living with my stacks of books and crazy piles of hair that seem to end up everywhere I go. 

Thanks for making me dinner, putting the mirror on my dresser, taking Chloe on walks when I’m not home and letting her dig out her own bone from the bag because it makes me grin from ear to ear.

Thanks for the life you’ve built with me.  It’s absolutely amazing and my time with you is a gift.  A gift with a big bow on it.  The kind of gift that you want to admire before you open it because the outside is just as lovely as anything that could be tucked safely within.  Thanks for teaching me what a promise kept feels like.  Thanks for allowing me to vent about every person that has hurt me in the past so that I can walk through life with you without being full of resentments and long harbored ill feelings. Thanks for insisting that I hug you back and not giving up on me. You put up with a lot and rarely complain.

I love you!

Kristy

Keith,

You’re the son I dreamt about having. You’re the one I thought about before you were born.  You had your name long before you were ever mine.  And you are more amazing than I ever hoped for.

Thank you for laughing with me, letting me say whatever I need to say and telling me things that most teenage boys might not tell their good old Mom’s.  Thanks for helping me organize, telling me which shoes are the better pair and for forgiving me for everything I ever thought I could have done better by you.  I will probably never feel like I deserve you, but I will always be grateful that you are my son. 

I love you and I’m exceedingly proud of you.  I think you’re the most unique person I’ve ever known and I love just as you are, just as you desire to be, and for always unconditionally.

Love,

Mom

Chloe,

People may laugh because we all know you can’t read.  But I love you despite that flaw.  Thanks for always being loyal and faithful and loving me with every bit of your bigger than body heart.  Thanks for sitting with me when I study and laying with me when I’m tired or sick.  And thanks for being willing to lick away Mommy’s tear’s even when they’re mixed in with makeup and gunk.  People may laugh because we have our own language but my life is so much more because of little you.

Love,

Mommy

Filed under : love and marriage, kidlet, Rick, keith, chloe
By shishnit
On September 22, 2008
At 8:44 pm
Comments : 0
 
 

you amaze me Rick…even though you don’t own a Bible

Rick recently changed jobs.  He did this after I encouraged him to make himself happy,  I can’t speak for what he was feeling except to say that he wasn’t so thrilled with one co-worker of his and it was causing undue stress.  However, prior to quitting his job or dumping all the financial strain on me, he chose to get another job.  He’s still a driver for a moving company.  He started his new job a few weeks ago.Today he called after his first assigned “job” at work to tell meRick – Guess who was at the first job?Me – (name of former co-worker)

Rick – No, your ex

Me – Uh..how’d that go

Rick – he was there helping his preacher move, the preacher gave us a $2 tip.

Me - $2, why bother?

Rick – yah I know, kinda hard to do anything with $2 and several guys to split it with

Me – Were there any problems with “ex”?

Rick – No, not really.

Me – “was he nice?”

Rick – I guess, but he tried to “save me” with his Preacher.

Now, I can say that Rick is always a true man.  He never speaks up and he never gets invovled in anything related to my ex-husband.  But they (as in the preacher and the ex) tried to SAVE Rick.

This is hilarious to me. My ex trying to save Rick.  I told him “Did you ask him if finding Jesus means you cheat on your wife with the nextdoor neighbor and then write bad checks and lie to everyone?”  Rick’s response, “No.” 

I am 110% sure that Rick just knodded along and excused himself.  Rick’s far too nice to ever tell my ex off.  And Rick is far nicer than I will ever be regarding my ex.  I suppose 12  years of abuse makes it hard to be nice.  However, I don’t think Ricks innate kindness makes him any less of a man, after all he was diligently working today while my ex was dithering away helping his pastor all while claiming indigence with the county court system and saying he has an alibi for that recent bad check.  He goes to court at the end of the month, I wonder what Jesus would do…would Jesus write bad checks?  Last I checked my ex doesn’t have an actual job. 

Nothing against Jesus, I just don’t think he’s helped my ex one iota.  And what are the odd’s that my ex-husband and my current husband would be at the same place at the same time for the same purpose all of which did not involve me at all?  Odd for sure.

Also, would Jesus tip 4 movers $2?  I think not.  Will Jesus save my ex from a stint in jail?  We shall see later this month.

I find it amazing that Rick’s a great guy working hard today like he does every day and one total loser thought he needed saved and that he was the one to do it.  If being all “Sister Christian” makes you like my ex I think I prefer my husband to be an athiest.  An athiest with morals and compassion and enough kindness to not get angry with the ex today and kick his ass. Jesus would do that and today Rick did that without Jesus. 

I love my husband.  The current one that is.

 

Filed under : love and marriage, Rick, divorce
By shishnit
On September 20, 2008
At 5:05 pm
Comments : 0
 
 

plotting new lattitudes

Rick,

My happiest moments are the ones when we are together and I look over at you next to me and suddenly remember how sad I was before you.  This sounds crazy perhaps, but it is precisely when I recall what life was like before you that I want to grab you and smother you with hugs and kisses and thank you for taking my “before” picture of life and burning it.  99.9% of the time I forget how bad it was, how different from now it was, because whatever it was is so far removed from what my world is today.  But that .1% of the time when I recall, especially in the bliss of simply being with you doing anything things (ie: getting lost looking for a stupid Fossil store!!!), it is then that I know I will remember that blissful every day moment long after, as it replays in my mind again and again, like a needle on a record skipping over the loveliest part of a love song.  I will remember because it’s a feeling of “abundance”, a notion of “grattitude” and the realization that my heart has moved to a new lattitude because of you.

I love you and I am a lucky girl.  Thank you for every day you spend walking alongside me.  They are amazing days. 

Kristy

Filed under : love and marriage, Rick
By shishnit
On September 6, 2008
At 5:16 pm
Comments :1
 
 

Rick’s boo boo : alternate title “in sickness and in health”

I have considered and reconsidered writing about this topic, but since it’s affecting my life at the moment, I am going to delve in and write about it.

About a week and a half ago, Rick went to the ER. Why? Because he had a lump on his back and it was oozing a type of mucus or fluid. It was of course concerning. It turned out to be a skin abscess. This is something I was totally unfamiliar with and trust that it took me nearly a week to find anything appropriate about it online.  Google was not my friend, I don’t care about Cat skin abscesses dear Google gods!!

For those that are brave information seeking souls, or medically interested…you can read about it here or here.

I am in affect changing the “packing material” in his now open wound. This takes place twice a day. How in the hell did I learn what to do and what medical supplies to buy to avoid paying doctors extreme amounts of money to provide wound care you ask?

I asked my brother in law’s girlfriend who is a nurse. She drove Rick to the medical supply place and then they both came back and she took the time to teach me how to provide “wound care” to Rick’s wound all by myself. She even lent me her tools.

I’m basically removing a big band-aid, pulling out packing material (that’s sold in a bottle full of long stripping of packing material thread like bandages), and pushing new stuff inside. This requires a lot of alcohol wipes on the two instruments that Chrissy provided me with, both look quite nursey (nursey is that a word), no NOT nursey, they look “medically technical”, and then I take a long cotton swab, much like a long q-tip, and push the new bandage threading inside the open wound allowing some hang out for drainage, and then I put on a new BIG band-aid. And then I spend a few moments scratching around the Bandage because apparently it’s uber itchy.  I’m sooo attentive as a nurse to the husband.

The packing material looks like the below..imagine grabbing this long 1/4 inch stripping with long tweezers from a bottle where it’s all coiled up inside like a mass of thread worms and removing it, cutting it to size and then pushing clean new stuff inside with a long q-tip.  Trust me when I say finding the end of each time is not easy (from inside the bottle that is).  I have problems sometimes judging the length I will need and then after shoving it inside his wound on his back, I must use my nursey scissors and cut it shorter after it’s inserted.  I’m not a nurse but I play one for my husband twice a day!  I love you honey and I’m gonna fix your boo boo.

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Filed under : Rick
By shishnit
On August 27, 2008
At 1:21 am
Comments :1
 
 

love and marriage…go figure they go together like a horse and…

First and foremost….thanks for getting it regarding my son and his choice of jeans…it’s truly so not important in the big scheme of things.  My biggest worry has always been, “Does he feel loved?”  I think a child that knows and feels that they are loved..is a blessed child and that is what I want for my son. Now my post… 

Everything in life seems to be about adjustments and changes.  Some are small and you barely notice them and then you think, “Geez, I used to always give myself pedicures between those professional pedicures, why’d I stop?” or it could be “I never used to think that it was bad to buy myself a cup of coffee, why do I think that now?”  And then some changes are bigger and come at you full force like a train off a track.

Like my recent job change that required a work schedule change.

Last week I spent the majority of my free time at work (and yes…I have free time at work because yes I have free time at this position, it’s a well known fact) pining away for my husband.  I didn’t realize beforehand just how much I would miss spending time with him.  I think it’s been equally challenging for him.  This past weekend while shopping for School clothes for my son (and thank goodness I have my shit together because the baby Daddy had not a dime for school clothes this year!!!), I picked up things for Rick.  I bought him quite a few t-shirts and a new pair of shorts.  I didn’t plan to buy him things but I often buy myself clothes here and there and sometimes I go through phases where I don’t buy things for Rick.  And since Rick is a man, he doesn’t buy himself clothes. 

I got off track there.  Changes….sometimes they are small ones that go unnoticed until later and sometimes they are big ones that you notice immediately.  My change in working hours has been more difficult than I anticipated.  I love my husband and apparently really enjoy spending time with the big lug.

About a week ago the battery in my Fossil watch stopped.  This is the Fossil watch that Rick bought for me on our honeymoon.  So after a few trips to places I’ve always purchased watch batteries from before it turns out that only a Fossil dealer can replace a Fossil battery.  (nice pain in the ass coincidence Fossil!)  Rick was off from work today and so while I was sitting at the front lobby desk of where I work in he walks into my workplace (something he never does!) carrying my watch in a zip lock type bag from a jewelry store.  He took it to a Fossil dealer and got my watch battery replaced.  His doing this for me really made me happy down to my toes for several reasons.  I haven’t been able to resolve the problem myself, he noticed I had a problem, and he fixed it.  Love that!  We decided to go to lunch together…late lunch for me, probably an early dinner for him.  It was nice to see him midway through my workday and it was a surprise.  It’s also nice to have my beloved watch back on my wrist right where it belongs.  He also paid to have my watch cleaned, he bought a warranty service on it and of course it now has a brand new battery.  The cleaning part really rocks because you don’t realize how dirty a watch gets until they clean it.

I suppose what’s been going through my mind over the last few days comes down to this
“After you have a sucky marriage..you view everything good that comes after it differently.  I imagine it must be much like a prisoner getting out of prison and going to Disneyland.”

Rick is my Disneyland….  Even when change comes and I must adjust, it’s rather nice to know that I actually “miss” my husband….missing someone means you love them. It means you find their company to be enjoyable.  Yah this is not rocket science…but I am glad that the novelty of love never wears off for me.
 

Filed under : love and marriage, Rick
By shishnit
On August 12, 2008
At 2:05 am
Comments :1