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  1. 2008…not so great…period!

    January 7, 2008 by shishnit

    I went to the doctor on the 20th of December.  I got my period on my own on the 21st.  I wasted $10 on the co-pay for a pregnancy test.  I paid $25 for Yasmin.  I took Yasmin for 9 days and quit.  I am still bleeding.  I have been sick.  Yesterday I spent the day throwing up.  I feel anemic.  Today I feel better.  I still feel anemic.  Weak.  I’ve been craving red meat.  I hate meat.  I have used 3 boxes of regular tampons and an entire bag of pads. (overnight)  This is all too much information but perhaps just enough to say this is why I haven’t been blogging.

    I have an appointment at “NEW fancy endocrinologist who is also a reproductive endocrinologist”. Because he is both my insurance will pay for him. I quit the Yasmin because I felt like it was making me hemorrhage.  I was also told other directions.  I was told to take Provera for ten days to get a period and then start the Yasmin on the following Sunday after getting one.  But I got one myself the next day and took Yasmin the following Sunday.  I didn’t listen.  Who knows what the real issue is.  I want a doctor to “treat” the PCOS not just try to placate me.

    I really feel like I need to go to an endocrinologist so I am.  People pay thousands to see this doctor because they fly in from all over the country.  People fly into my town to see him.  (They have the airline rates and hotel rates listed on their website).  It is an infertility clinic and the doctor lists PCOS as a specialty.  I am hopeful.  At least I won’t be sitting in a waiting room with pregnant teenagers anymore.  I haven’t quite decided if I am forgoing my OB/GYN doctor but I’m leaning towards it if I get treated well on Friday morning.  Yes, Friday Jan. 11th at 8:30 a.m.  And…five minutes from my front door.  I have a well known awesome Endo five minutes from my door.

    Outside of this, there’s not been much to tell.  I had a two week break from school. I am now in two classes.  A business writing class I am finishing up and a Government class I will probably hate that is taught by a House Representative for Missouri.  Interesting I suppose.

    Work is good.  In fact work is pretty great lately.  I love my boss; she makes all the difference in the world.  She better not go anywhere. 

    The weather was also super cold for Florida. We had two nights of freezing weather.  It’s warmer now.  Whew.  That was miserable.  And it came right when I wasn’t feeling so great. 

    It appears that now Rick won’t be traveling for work.  But he’s also looking at other options etc.  

    So far 2008 has been overall worrisome.

    Category health, love and marriage, pcos | Tags: | 1 Comment

  2. goodbye 2007

    December 31, 2007 by shishnit

    2007 is basically over. While reviewing this year in my mind the only things that come to mind are the highlights.

    The house, Infertility, College, Work

    The year started off with Math, the end of Math.

    The end of one position at work and the movement into another and then midyear yet another…two bosses this year and more to come in the next. Expansion is like that.

    The year my son turned 15.

    This year marked not as much blog writing as I ventured away from the computer as much as possible. Work and school require being stuck to a computer. I wanted life to be stuck in the living.

    This is the year that I had every single girly part tested and scanned and looked at. Every single one. $38,000 worth of medical bills. Thank goodness for Health Insurance.

    This is the year I got angry with my husband for his problems, yet this is also the year I realized that I love him despite his problems.

    This is the year I learned that talking about, writing about or even speaking out loud of infertility makes infertility much more difficult to cope with, yet I have no regrets.

    This is the year of two offices.

    The year of Clomid.

    The year of new spaces, new houses and new fenced yards.

    The year of marked up calendars and counting days and planning sex.

    This was the year of “extract” medicine and social fires.

    Another year of writing papers, reading coursework and getting more A’s.

    This year marked our second year of wedded togetherness

    This year I didn’t blog as much. Nor did I feel obligated as much. Obligated to do anything simply out of obligation. I find that obligations lead to ill feelings.

    This year I read a lot of Buddhism books. I also read a lot of self help books. I read and read and mostly read nonfiction and religion and psychology books. I entered the joyful electives in college and earned straight A’s in my core courses. I also gained a library and more space. I also gained a better outlook on life. I also started to have more faith in myself.

    In 2008 I want to write more for fun. I want to write more from the gut about everything. I want to fear less what others might say to me about what I write and what I truly feel. I want to go back to not censoring myself because it’s healthier. I want simple things.]

    My ABC’s of 2008

    Authenticity – I want to be true to myself.

    Artistic outlet – I want to write by hand, write poetry, type up my book to date

    Books and Blogs – I want to continue to find time to “read”. Simply “read”. I want to continue to cut back on the blogs I read, reading only those that enrich me, empower me and make me learn something more.

    Chloe – I want to hug her, kiss her, love her, keep her…forever.

    Dawns, I want to watch the sun come up more often. Perhaps a few beach hours early in the morning.

    Early morning breakfasts before work. I want to eat better.

    Food, that is healthy.

    Growth, I want to grow as a person and never forget how joyous learning is.

    History, I want to let go of more emotional baggage this year.

    Icing. I want to always remember to ice every cake, the best of anything without the icing is not the best that it can be.

    Joking around. I love a good joke and want to find more of them this year.

    Keith. I want to be closer to him this year. Teenage years suck!

    Love. I want to give more away than I can possible gain for myself. I want to love without abandon.

    Money. I want to save more, earn more, give more, and worry less.

    Neverland. I want to remember my little girl side. I want to read more children’s books I loved as a child. I want to play more, dream more, make shapes out of clouds and let go of adult worries more often.

    Open. I want to be open to new experiences, better relationships, deeper friendships.

    PCOS. I want to conquer it. I want to rule it. I want to beat it.

    Queen. I want to be the queen of my world every day. Imagining I have a crown and I can rule only my world.

    Rick. I want to be closer, hug more, enjoy more, spend more time and do more without a heavy heart or fear or resentments.

    Sex. More more more please. Happy joyful loving…

    Time. I want more time to enjoy, more time to relax. More time to simply be.

    Understanding. I want to find peace with my religious and spiritual path. I want to finally say “ah ha” and be one with it all.

    Variety. I want to build new traditions and find a variety of ways to have fun. Fun, more fun please. Bubble baths and movie nights and more things together.

    Without worrying. I want to explore without fear, do without worry and breath deeply instead of clenching my teeth with worry. Worry never mends a bridge, nor does it stop a flood. I want to build boats with my hope and paddle with my grief and make good use of the bad turning it into only good.

    X. I want to truly 100% forgive my ex-husband. I say I have, I try to. I still get angry at him, against him, etc. I want to be able to tell him I’ve forgiven him once and for all.

    Yoyo. I want to stop the yo yo dieting the yo yo changing. I want to accept that I will have to do certain things to have certain outcomes. I want to make small changes that equal bigger changes. I want to find peace in who I am while still being strong enough to change into something better. I want to stop going up and down in determining what it is that I truly want to be and just let it be. I just want to “be”.

    Zealous. I want to be intense, passionate and enthusiastic about all the things I love to do in life. I want to adore, enjoy and be truly involved in the activities that I choose to take part of. I want to enjoy 100% of every single day.

    I also have a few projects I want to work on this year.

    1. Organize and publish a cookbook with my grandmother’s recipes in it
    2. Find proper storage for my CD’s and catalog my collection
    3. Put together that “Things that I love” poster/frame

    Special thanks to Michelle, Kristyk, Siobhan, Jenniy, and Lori for being strong woman who have said the right things at imperative moments throughout 2007. You have made me a better me.

    Category Rick, career, chloe, college, family, friends, health, house, infertility, keith, love and marriage, pcos | Tags: | 2 Comments

  3. Dear Yasmin…you are an expensive bitch!

    December 23, 2007 by shishnit

    So I went and picked up the birth control. My doctor put me on Yasmin. I was rather shocked when the pharmacist told me the price. It was $35 total for both the provera to start a period and the Yasmin to continue them. When you have serious PCOS you need this combination if you want to cook up a nice healthy period….or a period at all for that matter.

    I ripped apart my prescriptions quickly to look at the cost breakdown. I think I was shocked because I’ve taken every medication known to the uteruses and the like over the last 3 years and this was alarming.

    My prescription for Provera was $10 and I saved a big whopping $1.10 via my insurance. Now, my insurance is good and I know they gave me a generic for the drug and I’m ok with that. I don’t need any fancy name on my pills. I just need them to work.

    Then I looked at the Yasmin bag. It says “$25.00 was my cost.” And this for 28 pills. One months supply!! And to add insult to injury it further says, “Your insurance saved you $32.99” on the bag.

    Ok so you mean to tell me that Yasmin’s normal cost is $57.99?? For 28 pills? Are they serious? That would be $695.88 per year to prevent pregnancy for a woman with no health insurance. With my insurance it will cost me $300 a year to prevent pregnancy when I can’t get pregnant and just need a drug that makes me have a period?

    Fucking insane. Sorry but that’s so crazy to me because if I took Clomid every single month it would not add up to $300 a year. Also, I can opt to take Megace every day for the rest of my life. That drug is a total cost to me of $10 a month or $120 a year. I chose to forgo Megace because it makes you hungry, or so they say. I never felt that side affect.

    On Megace there is no nasty bleeding, no need for tampons, no periods, just a daily cleansing of all body parts for any cells that should not be within the body. In other words it cleanses your uterus so it stays clean and healthy.

    So Yasmin as an ongoing option for me means $25 per month plus the $5 for tampons. So $30 times 12 is $360 a year out of pocket expense or no periods, no tampons, no cramps and $120 a year. I’m going to have to consider this one. For the time being…but get this…

    The day after I went to Dr. OB/GYN and he make me give blood for a pregnancy test (one that I will have to pay $11 out of pocket expense for even though I said I wasn’t pregnant and didn’t want the test and he convinced me that perhaps I was…) …well the very day after that…I got my period. However, now I have to wait for it to stop…take the Provera…and wait for it to come back….and then begin taking a birth control pill.

    The pack of pills looks like it’s marketed to a teenager. It’s purple and has a big hefty book of directions…all about what to do if you miss a pill and think you might get pregnant (hahahahaha….please god let that happen to me) and it comes complete with a set of stickers one is meant to place on the pack..how I haven’t quite figured out yet.

    The last time I took the pill was 1991 and it came in a circular pack with Day 1, 2, 3, 4 etc on it. There were pink and green pills in it and not all white. And it didn’t come in a fancy fuzzy purple pouch packet.

    Oh and it was $11 a month and I had no insurance!!!

    So far, Yasmin, I am not impressed by your fancy packaging alone. For the simple fact of not having to go back to the doctor for the next three months I will be ingesting this crap and finding out. What I truly do not understand is that I have to do this to cleanse my PCOS ridden body of excess estrogen and keep my uterus healthy.

    Someone recommended a birth control to me, I believe it was Yaz…which is a form of Yasmin. I think they said it was good. We shall see. I can say that if I feel better hormonally etc. I will pay any price.

    Yasmin

    Category infertility, pcos | Tags: | 2 Comments