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You never know what you have until you consider for hours what life might be like without it.  I can’t quite shake the feeling of unease and yet I feel like life is a beautiful blue lately just because I escaped my worst nightmare unscathed. 

Missing
There is no poster

No crowd gathered to search

You are still safe in the frame on my desk

But now you are also

the lump in my throat

I am gaining no oxygenMy heart has lurched

I’m currently enrolled in a Human Nutrition course (midway) and I’m beginning a “Creative Writing” course on Tuesday.  As part of our required reading, this poem was listed.  This poem struck a chord with me…it is the history of love (me).   I’m glad to be taking this course when I am at a place where I can truly enjoy every stinking minute of it with the realization that I am in the final courses of my undergrad journey. 

Love arrives;
and in its train come ecstasies
old memories of pleasure
ancient histories of pain.
Yet, if we are bold
love strikes away the chains of fear
from our souls.
 
We are weaned from our timidity.
In the flush of love’s light
we dare be brave
And suddenly we see
that love costs all we are
and will ever be.
Yet, it is only love
which sets us free.
 

Maya Angelou
 

I am so music addicted, it’s like I need my daily fix.  I cruise iTunes like a creep on the street, around every curve and bend in the electronic road to find something that jacks my jill.  Tonight I found one to dedicate to the former man of my life, otherwise known as the ex.  This one sounds lighthearted….in the past I was ”pathologically addicted to what we call a “dick head”. 

I’m not much for dope or drink
And that’s thanks to Dr. Shrink
But one thing I can’t kick is
I can’t kick a man

I’m pathologically addicted
To what we call a “dick head”
Cheaters and liars seem to light my fire
And god, I gotta get clean

So I did, yeah, I did

I took a bath with a sociopath
I took a bath with a sociopath
And I’ll be sorry, but for now I’ll laugh about it
All night long

‘Cause I like a little coffee with my cream
I like a little dirty with my clean
And my baby’s really filthy
My baby’s really somethin’
And my baby can dysfunction

I took a bath with a sociopath
I took a bath with a sociopath
And I’ll be sorry, but for now I’ll laugh about it
All night long

‘Cause I like a little coffee with my cream
I like a little dirty with my clean
And my baby’s really filthy
My baby’s really somethin’
And my baby can dysfunction

I took a bath with a sociopath
I took a bath with a sociopath
And I’ll be sorry, but for now I’ll laugh about it
All night long

-Anya Marina

A section of the fence fell down today and it kinda sorta rained a little bit, I think.  And I found another song that made my toes curl.  I’m a music junkie lately.  Even more so than “reading” I am lost in melody.

YOU AND ME

I won’t tell anybody
I swear to keep it a secret
You and me
We can be alone
Walking through a world of our own

I don’t care what they say but
I don’t want to hear their opinions
You and me
We can be alone
Walking through a world of our own

Don’t think it’s only silly
If I go you’re gonna miss me
You and me
We can be alone
Walking through a world of our own
Walking through a world of our own

Jesse Harris

Well I broke, I wrote a song
About our love, and how its strong
How your kisses keep me warm.
And even when I make you cry,
I’ll still sing you lullabies.
Make those grey clouds bright blue skies.
Because you’re the cocaine in my veins.

This is something I regret
Not confessing how I felt,
How my heart beats quicker still.
So melt your body into mine,
Become as one over time,
Lord shake her bones and make her mine.
Because you’re the cocaine in my veins.

And darlin the dirt beneath your feet,
And the scars that line your knees,
Are what keep me moving on, are what keep me moving on.
When broken down out on the streets,
And not a sign that I can see
You’re the compass that I need.

You’re the cocaine inside my blood stream
You’re the bright light, the constant moon beam
You’re the north wind that will carry me home.

You’re the woman I’ve been looking for
Because you’re the cocaine in my veins

- Joshua James