shishnit.org

cluttering up the internet since 2001

 

I learned to tell the difference between a miracle and a magic trick

Lately I’ve felt very strong.  I’ve felt like I’ve truly overcome things. I find that I have been doubting myself because I’m currently working on something I’ve been hush hush about but a few of you (my only 2 readers…lol) seem to be onto me.  I never thought I could do this process myself and yet here I am doing it.  Entirely on my own, with tidbits of input from Rick.  But truly, I am doing it alone.  I am proud of myself and I realize at long last I am a different person.  I am confident, independent and strong.  So much stronger.  I haven’t talked about it, as in out and out because I don’t want to jinx myself and I want to rejoice at the finish line.  And honestly, it all comes down to hard work and belief in oneself.  I am still crossing fingers and I’m reserved and detached.  I’m nervous and jittery and yet, I am in the process and it’s exciting, rewarding and I am so fucking proud of myself I could scream.  It’s not a miracle or a magic trick.  Strength is something you have to plant, water and wait patiently to grow within oneself.

 

I’ve got this habit I’ve got to kick
Medicine I need just starts to make me sick
Shoulders I lean on start to be a crutch
Babe I think I needed you a little much
But I’m getting stronger, stronger, stronger
I get just a little bit stronger every day
I’m getting stronger, stronger, stronger
I get just a little bit stronger every day

You showed me the ropes but there were these strings
Tied around my hopes unraveling
So I took the loose ends and I made a vest
To cover up this precious thing inside my chest
And I’m getting stronger, stronger, stronger
I’m getting just a little bit stronger every day
I’m getting stronger, stronger, stronger
I’m getting just a little bit stronger every day
And the hole I never thought would fill
Started to spill

I’m getting stronger, stronger, stronger
I get just a little bit stronger every day
I’m getting stronger, stronger, stronger
I get stronger the further you are away
I had this problem but I’ve got it licked
I learned to tell the difference between a miracle and a magic trick 

 

Darden Smith 

 

 

 

Filed under : Uncategorized
By shishnit
On March 14, 2008
At 3:45 am
Comments : 2
 
 

we make love so hard

trouble comes to our house
every other week
first you and then me
with a tear on our cheek
over and over the same mistakes
how many last straws till it breaks
oh, we make love so hard
we make love so hard 

 

scratching at the old wounds
laying blame
calling up the old ghosts
taking names
over and over same mistakes
how many close calls can we shake 


oh, we make love so hard
oh, we make love so hard 

 

it doesn’t have to be this way
we’ve seen better days 

 

oh, we make love so hard
oh, we make love so hard
oh, we make love so hard
why do we make love so hard 

 

-Darden Smith 

Filed under : Uncategorized, poetical
By shishnit
On March 7, 2008
At 5:25 pm
Comments : 0
 
 

movie quote

E. Edward Grey: [Mr. Grey is prescribing Lee’s dinner] One scoop of creamed potatoes. A slice of butter. Four peas. And as much ice cream as you’d like to eat. 

Filed under : Uncategorized, poetical
By shishnit
On February 27, 2008
At 3:13 pm
Comments : 0
 
 

when the ride is over…I will cry

When I started to work for the University I work for I was placed in a small area by myself.  It was the busiest month for the business and so I was largely overlooked while others ran about trying to get things done.  I was trained and people were nice but everyone was busy and I didn’t know enough to help anyone out.  I felt out of place for a few weeks.

About a week later a new guy was placed in that small area with me.  We were then both largely ignored.  So we bonded.  We built a clock wall with spare clocks we found, one each showing the time for 6 countries of our choosing.  This was August of 2004.  When I got engaged my office mate even called and talked to a butterfly guy about how much it cost to get butterflies for the wedding.  It was super expensive and in the end Rick and I didn’t opt for it.  But I’ll forever remember how my office mate spent all that time on the phone listening to a butterfly expert and then got off the phone and told me, “I think you should get mosquitoes instead, they’d be cheaper!”

Throughout the last 3 and a half years that we’ve both been employed at the University we’ve watched a lot of people get up and leave and we’re the sole survivors of a few departments.  We’ve outlasted a lot of people.  I’m sure this is common in the working world.  When you stay long enough you can say “gee a lot of people aren’t here anymore!”

He’s hilarious.  If I had to describe him that’s the first thing that comes to mind.  He makes me laugh like no one else I’ve ever met in my lifetime.  We have the same goofy sense of humor.  He comes up with some funny nicknames for the people we both work around on the daily. There’s Yakatan, the General, doe, lotion, delzy, chief ha ha ha, the Trahan, etc etc.  And he’s the one that gave me the infamous nickname, Chef.  It stuck and has stuck for more than 3 years now.  Some nicknames aren’t publicly known, but Chef is.

We have full conversations whereby anyone around us has no clue what we are speaking about because in all this time working around each other we have developed a new language.  One of us can utter a strange word and we both howl in laughter.

I worked for one department with him and then he moved and shortly thereafter through no workings of my own I was offered a different position in the same department he moved to.  So once again we had the same things in common work wise.

He’s been looking for a new job and I’m sure it’s just a matter of time. I try not to think about it and I think he tries not to too.  I can’t speak for him but I have a feeling that it’s not any easier for him to think about.  Rick often gets agitated with how often this co-workers name comes up but its simply due to the fact that we’re great work buds and we have fun together and it’s hard not share the hilarity at the end of the day. 

He and I have nothing in common I swear.  Nothing but our jobs and our humorous way of looking at things.  Everything else is the opposite.  He doesn’t like to read.  Him read?  OH never.  He’s plays soccer and hangs out at bars and wants nothing to do with culture.  He has a wonderfully close family, there’s another thing we do not have in common.  I often tease him that his family photo’s look like the picture you get when you buy the frame.  They’re all so beautiful.  He’s not married, there’s another thing not in common.  However he does have a long term girlfriend.  

I’m not in love with him.  I’m not even attracted to him.  OH my god..check please.  He’s like a brother or something.  He’s someone I have grown close to just because we’ve been work friends for so damn long now.  We don’t even work in the same location every day anymore but we speak to each other every single day.  I think the biggest thing we have in common is that neither of us makes friends easily and yet when we do we are friends for life. 

Today he sent me this message and it brought tears to my eyes. I had to make a joke because if I didn’t I would have full out bawled my eyes out.

Chad [9:17 AM]:

hey

Kristy [9:17 AM]:

what?

Chad  [9:17 AM]:

I am going to miss BS’in with you everyday when this ride is over

Kristy [9:18 AM]:

OMG you are sick…go to the doctor again

Chad  [9:18 AM]:

haha

Chad  [9:18 AM]:

for reals

Kristy  [10:17 AM]:

hey

Kristy  [10:17 AM]:

do you remember talking to that butterfly guy?

Chad  [10:18 AM]:

hahah

Chad  [10:18 AM]:

now that was hilarious

Kristy  [10:19 AM]:

“get mosquitoes, they’d be cheaper!”

Chad  [10:19 AM]:

haha

Filed under : Uncategorized
By shishnit
On February 7, 2008
At 3:31 pm
Comments : 2
 
 

7 years changes a lot.

A blog documents about 3 percent of a person’s life in my opinion.  I would have to do nonstop writing to document it all and then I’d be blogging not living.  I don’t know if it’s just me or if it’s widespread because my perspective could be slanted but doesn’t it feel like the majority of blogland is bored with blogging?  I’ve seen tons of people move, change, stop writing, and perhaps start living?  Perhaps we latch onto blogging when times are tough in order to work through those times.  In fact that’s what I did. 

I’m not perfect now…but I was certainly a mess then.  When I think about the person I am now and how I’m living my life compared to who I was back in 2001, I nearly shudder at the vast differences.  I’m still the same person but greatly improved.   I was just looking at my grades and schedule, just got another A-.  I’ll take it.  I have 39 credits left and then I can enroll into a Masters Degree program.  Me?  Yes, sometimes I scare myself at how much I have changed.

A co-worker of mine just said “ya know what I can’t understand?  Why can’t chickens talk like parrots? It’s so unfair.”

Filed under : Uncategorized
By shishnit
On January 23, 2008
At 11:16 pm
Comments :1