I can’t quite focus today, and I should be able to. However, so much going on in such a short period of time I feel like I am suffering from emotional whiplash. Things have occurred this week.
1. I was sent “background check†paperwork to fill out for company I interviewed with (no offer has been extended as of yet)
2. My son had mad issues with his stepmother (can you say she threw milk all over his bedroom and destroyed his belongings, she’s a looney tune!)
3. My husband slept on the couch, he’s mad at me…for any number of reasons. (all of which he has not communicated to me in any manner than I can understand)
4. My best friend and brother Greg…had a stroke this past Monday and has lost his ability to use his left side properly or well at all.
# 4 is killing me the most. Greg’s too young to have had a stroke and I spent 3 hours just crying last night. Perhaps from the mere shock of his news, his slurred speech, my broken heart, the realization that life is too short for me to be dealing with 1 thru 3 with fear and anxiety. I’m tired of feeling responsible for fixing everyone else’s problems and I’m angry today because the problems that Greg currently has are the type that no one can fix. His news puts everything in my world into a different perspective. Greg currently cannot paint. This is like saying “Greg currently cannot inhale oxygenâ€. He just found out this news yesterday, it hasn’t even been 24 hours. I’ve blogged extensively about g. before here.
It’s likely that I probably shouldn’t be blogging such a personal thing but it’s ripping me apart and no one around me feels what I feel. Greg “is†my brother. Not by blood, DNA or any other trackable method but in my heart and in my soul he is. He is nearly my only family and the only person I’ve relied on for emotional support for many years, outside of my son and husband. I nearly broke down crying 3 times with him over the phone. The mere thought of Greg not walking, not fishing, not hiking the woods, not playing drums, not writing poetry, not reading Stephen King novels (he tells me he can’t hold the book and turn the pages with one hand), not driving his Jeepie (doctors have already told him he will not likely drive a stick shift again), not PAINTING his amazing paintings…it’s all heartbreaking for me. Greg is young. YOUNG people YOUNG. Greg is 42 years old and has had a stroke. He is currently resting and is with family. He is able to speak to me via phone and he is in the brightest spirits for someone who just got this type of news that is forever life altering. I believe he will recover, fully. FULLY!
But that does not mean my heart is not tormented. Why do such horrid things happen to such amazing people? Recently one of you fine shishnit blog readers gave me the advice, “Do it, life is too short†and I had long conversations with another friend of mine about beating down fear, heading face first into fear and overcoming it and living alongside it embracing it and that being a big reason why I’m going to “DO IT†and how LIFE is too short.
And then perusing facebook yesterday I find out that my closest friend for over 12 years, my “brother g.†is facing a long road of overcoming frustrations and rehabilitation. And his response to this stroke…a “will not quit†attitude. He’s already putting his paint brush in hand and trying to paint. He’s already planning his come back. I am so amazingly proud of him, worried about him and feeling helpless that I am so far away and cannot do any of the things that I, who appreciates him in my life immensely, wishes she could do.
Please visit Greg at his website here click on his contact link and send him a happy silly get better message on my behalf. And be sure to tell him I love him because I do love him…just like a sister loves her brother.
