Keith likes his new school. 

This is a huge success.

Keith is following his nightly curfew his father set.

Another step in the right direction.

Keith is not belligerent with me.  He was largely in the past belligerent with his father only.  He’s no longer having that issue with his father either.   He and I had a nice talk.  I told him I was proud of his taking the first initial steps in the right direction.  And I am proud of him.  I do miss him.  I haven’t seen him in almost over a month now.  We will likely change that very soon.

I believe every parent has some regret’s, once they realize things or learn new things etc.  But the relationship that I personally have with my son appears largely intact, he’s doing well, he’s safe now.

I’m relieved.  I’m guarded.  But I really am proud that he learned some lessons while out there trying to be all grown up too soon. 

Sometimes when you make a selfless decision, other’s don’t know all the details of your life, and so all they can see is their slanted viewpoints.  It kills me how people who have young children think they know what will happen when those children become teenagers.  No parent has that crystal ball.  Unfortunately.  I have learned to live in the now.  To take each day as it comes.  For now, Keith is doing quite well.

Having said that, I have blogged .5% of the information regarding my son because he’s nearly his own person now.  I haven’t talked about much of the things that have taken place over the last 7 years because it has been my finding that there’s always someone who thinks they have answers and they don’t.  I’m a firm believer that divorce will mess up your children regardless of how you deal with it, how it goes down or why it goes down, the children will likely run into issues later. 

My son was absolutely fine…for the longest time…and then he wasn’t.  It’s so complex its impossible to blog 100% of the issue here.  I refuse to even do that to my son.  He’s not a bad person, he’s struggling..he’s a teenager and he is having difficulty finding direction.  I’ve also been largely pushed out by his father so that makes it nearly impossible for me to know all the details because my ex refuses to speak openly. He refuses to speak at all if his wife’s in the room.  His wife refuses to speak to me at all.  Lack of communication is a leading cause of the issues if you ask me.  You can’t have 4 people raising a kid who don’t communicate with one another. 

Whatever problems Keith has are largely due to the fact that I haven’t had really any say in his day to day activities, who his friends are, what the rules are, or how he will have to have accountability.  Those things were all decided by his father.  And so now this is what the end result is.  I was told over and over again that Keith has “another mother now”.  My ex’s famous words.  And that mother sucks the big one if you ask me. 

But then again no one does.

Then again no one who judges asks the right questions.  And no one that judges really cares anyways.

Remember when I posted this Birthday post to Keith last November ?

Remember that song I sent his way?
I logged onto his myspace page tonight and that’s the song he has posted there.
 

It is my biggest hope that when the rain is gone….the sun will still be there…that that bond I hope is there..really is.  That song being there…it made me cry.  Where there is love there is always hope.

Why do you think I was soo excited to hear about the funding for a new high speed rail system in Tampa.  I get lost everytime I drive across the bridge and leave St Pete.  The minute I hit Tampa it’s hell.  I have a college degree yet I’m direction dyslexic.  I get lost and call Rick all the time. 

Reason 654,3321,123 I pick Rick….because he gets me un-lost without getting irritated.

Tomorrow I will work from 9 a.m. to 10:15 p.m.  Yes you read that right. Just typing it makes me want to throw up.  And no….no overtime since I had 1 short day and 1 long day.  *sigh*  Why couldn’t I just get the long day first and the short day the next day? No such luck.

Last I heard Keith went to school today.  I hope that stands as the truth….  It would help if my ex-husband had some communication skills.

I’ve been cooking, snapping photo’s and then not blogging. I know I know….

First I made a stuffed chicken. This is not a hard or difficult thing…but since I haven’t done it in awhile I documented the occasion. I love stuffed chickens and here’s my secret. I absolutely adore Stovetop stuffing. Seriously! Every single time I have tried to make a different stuffing recipe I have gone mad with dozens of ingredients only to end up with stuffing that I’m “eh” about. However, stovetop stuffing always makes me happy. So why mess with difficult recipes when they have it figured out? I pre-make my stuffing and stuff it into the raw bird, THEY tell you not to do that. I’m not dead yet.

Crazy thing is …I do make my own gravy. I swear by Wondra sauce and gravy flour. It’s by far the easiest way to make gravy with no lumps. I also put real butter on my chicken. That I learned from my grandmother. I can’t bake a chicken without butter. Yah I’m probably ruining the healthy…but…I know these two doctors I’d like to visit. (oh but let it be for a well check up please!)

Here’s my stuffed chicken

A horrible photo of the bird next to the sink full of dishes and the dish drainer…the kitchen is nice at the Island of Poredom but it is small. Small but decked out nice. I actually love my tiny cozy kitchen, it reminds me of my grandmother’s.

Here’s the resulting plate of food. Oh…I also cook my chicken per the package directions…I think that time I googled it and cooked it per the lb directions I found online. I don’t make baked chicken often so when I do…I also eat the skin. And that is cauliflower next to the mashed potatoes.  That was in a ready to make bag I threw in the microwave for 3 minutes…super easy…also super good.

Prior to the chicken I made a quick bread. I found this recipe on someone’s blog. I can’t recall who, but thanks and I don’t mean to rob you but your recipe freaking rocks so thank you!!

Peanut Butter Bread….have I mentioned that Rick loves peanut butter?

2 cups all purpose flour
1/2 cup sugar
2 tsps baking powder
1 tsp salt
3/4 cup creamy or crunchy peanut butter
1 large egg
1 cup milk

Stir together first 4 ingredients in a medium bowl. Cut peanut butter in with a fork until it’s nice and crumbly. Stir together egg and milk, stir into dry ingredients just until moistened.

Pour batter into a greased 9×5 bread pan. Bake at 350 degrees for 1 hour or until toothpick comes out clean. Remove from pan immediately and cool on a wire rack.

(I cooled in the pan..it was fine and came right out later) We loved this with a bit of grape jam on it….and it’s super good toasted.

The ball is now in his court.  However, I am relieved that he is safe.  Thanks for your concern and well wishes.  This has been a long long road and I feel better having let go of carrying the burden alone.  Much thanks to my husband Rick for standing firm beside me. 

As the “custodial” parent the burden of making this child go to school and follow the rules falls solely onto his father.  This is just in my opinion as he’s the one that left the marriage and left me homeless and nevermind..let’s not dredge up the past.  Suffice it to say that you reap what you sow.

Keith had a warrant for his arrest because he missed a court apppearance yesterday.  An appearance due to his being caught with drug paraphenaila about 7 months ago.  What was he caught with?  I do not know exactly.  No one told me because I’m not the custodial parent despite having legal joint custody.  (One piece of advice to anyone getting or ever facing a divorce when children are involved…there is no such thing as legal joint custody, someone is always deemed the custodial parent even if you go to court and are granted joint custody.  The police, the school system and any other official place will deem you not the parent if the child does not live in your home 100% of the time.  Just a caution to anyone out there googling these terms.  The child’s “custodial” parent is often deemed the parent who’s address the childs school records share.)

He will be in court at 7:30 a.m.  His father states he will attend.  His girlfriend called me crying because in her words “they took him away!!!”  You cannot commit a crime and not face the consequences.  Her father, who yesterday I was told hated her and kicked her out, has miraculously taken her back in.  These teenage children who claim they have it so bad and that NO ONE loves them….yah right!!

My heart aches for how lost my child is.  The guilt and remorse and regret…they are the heaviest things I’ve carried and yet every sane person I’ve talked to in the past few days has overstated that I have done nothing wrong.  I am of the strong belief that this is a big mess that didn’t begin this week, last week or even last year.  This began for Keith in 2002 when he was 10 years old and his father walked out the door 2 day’s after Christmas.  This has been a slow unwinding of the yarn and now it’s a knotted mess.

My child is a statistic.  My ex-husband is irresponsible.  I am caught somewhere in the middle.  I want to help but you cannot erase damage once it is done.  Much of the information I’ve learned this week is all new to me….go figure, no one bothered to tell me, the mother.  Of course that might be because my ex-husband has long told me that Keith has “another” mother now and doesn’t need me. 

Where’s that douche bag now?

I should backtrack and explain that in the last 7 years, while I may not have blogged it…there have been periods of time upwards of 8 and 9 months when I haven’t even seen my child.  When I would call his father and ask him to have Keith call..and I never got a phone call.  Upon calling and calling again I was told either

a. Keith wasn’t home (even at 10:30 at night!) or

b. Keith was told to call but didn’t

Much of this mess falls on Keith too.  That’s a hard hard thing for me to come to grips with because I consider him a child and children are not responsible for raising themselves.  However, children are responsible for being respectful to their parents and in that aspect, Keith fails often.

I could write a memoir and it might be a bestseller or it might induce a lot of suicidal reactions.

His father did not go and sent me a txt advising the following “Can’t make the ten o’clock.  I will meet them later today.”

I don’t have answers.  I second guess everything I’m doing.  But I’m not going to be anyone’s fool either.  Those day’s are over.  I threw the ball back into me ex-husband’s court so to speak.  He MUST step up and be a parent or pay the price for dropping the ball. You cannot simply dismiss your children when times are tough, which is what his Dad always trys to do.

Sometimes accountability must be forced upon him.